


Hope

by applepi_kenma5



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hope, M/M, iwaoi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2018-12-07 10:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 36,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11621772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applepi_kenma5/pseuds/applepi_kenma5
Summary: For many, hope was just a concept that one tried to grasp. Many didn’t know how to reach it, while others ignored it as it was given to them. In reality, hope was nothing more than an illusion, a facade, a mirage. Right when your fingertips brush against its surface, it vanishes, throwing you back into the dark hole where you had fallen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment what you think!

       For many, hope was just a concept that one tried to grasp. Many didn’t know how to reach it, while others ignored it as it was given to them. In reality, hope was nothing more than an illusion, a facade, a mirage. Right when your fingertips brush against its surface, it vanishes, throwing you back into the dark hole where you had fallen. 

       Oikawa Tooru had once felt what “hope” was. It was ten years ago, when he was no more than eight years old. He gripped onto his old, faded bear as he lingered in the hallway near his room, peering out into the kitchen where his parents shouted. He was spotted immediately and dragged out into the open. His mother suddenly embraced him in her warm arms, coaxing him to return to his room; return to where it was “safe.” 

       His eight year old imagination couldn’t contemplate as to why the world had turned against him. Why, even though he prayed on every holiday, gave so many five yen offerings at the shrines, things had to crumble. 

       As a kid, one is usually composed of fantasies, the imagination knowing no boundaries before reality is drilled in as an upgrade as he or she grows older; “wiser,” as some say. Religion, to Oikawa, was a mere fantasy that people in desperation clung to as they spent their lives in pointless worship. To him, that’s all that it was. A fantasy. 

       Eight years old, brown bear in hand, he listened from the darkness of his room as his parents shouted, shattered glass, knocked things off of the countertops. Oikawa could only hold his bear close, whispering sweet nothings to himself to reassure that things were going to be okay. 

With the loud slam of a door, the entire house grew silent. The first drop of hope came when Oikawa slowly turned his doorknob, peeking out to check if the rest of the house was still standing. His father was nowhere in sight, and his mother was crumpled on the floor; head in her hands. 

       “Is he gone?” 

       Oikawa’s mother whipped around, embracing her small son; stroking the back of his brown hair. “Yes, dear. He’s gone. He won’t be back.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi~! I already have a lot of this fanfiction written, so I'm going to post the first 5 chapters. After that, expect weekly updates for everything else. Enjoy~!


	2. Chapter 2

       One must be extremely lucky to have their life recover; to run smoothly. They must be even more lucky to have it remain that way. 

       That was why, ten years later, when Oikawa opened his front door and saw his father passed out on the couch, he realized that hope was just a mirage. 

       Stepping over the empty beer cans littered around the living room, he swiftly made his way to his room. 

       “Oikawa, sweetie.” He heard a soft knock on the door, before his mother came into his room. She twirled a strand of brown hair in her fingertips, “Welcome home from school.” 

       Oikawa clenched his fists, “What is he doing back here?” 

       “Dear, listen to me.” 

       “Oh, yeah. I’m all ears.”

       “Sweetie, I met back up with him, and he’s changed. He said he would change. He said he would be better.” 

       Oikawa gently grabbed his mother’s wrist and perused it. A few bruises dotted her soft skin, making Oikawa frown in disgust.   
“He did this, didn’t he?” 

       His mother shook her head, “It’s not what you’re thinking. He said he would change.” 

       Oikawa shook his head, turning away from his mother. “He won’t change.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so short~! Not all of the chapters are going to be this short, but you know what they say. Quality over quantity, right?


	3. Chapter 3

       As if his father had heard his words, the disgusting man kept true to the claim. 

       Oikawa’s mother pulled out her long-sleeved wardrobe, spouting something about the temperature dropping. Occasionally, Oikawa would spot a few dark spots when his mother wasn’t careful enough to cover them up. 

       “Mom, I know he’s hurting you. This is unhealthy! You need to kick him out!” Oikawa had finally lost his patience. “Mom, he hasn’t changed!” 

       “Tooru!” His mother delivered a quick slap across his cheek, “Don’t spout nonsense! You don’t know what’s best for this family!” 

       Oikawa turned and stormed to his room, not wanting to escalate things with his mother. 

       A few hours passed. Oikawa had decided to get some of his homework done to take his mind off of things. 

       “Oik..awa..Kawa...Tor..u...” 

       Oikawa jumped when someone fell against his door. The doorknob slowly turned, his father soon stumbling in. 

       “You’re drunk.” Oikawa stood and tried to lead his father out of the room, cringing when his father exhaled a hot breath on his face. “You reek of alcohol and sweat.” 

       “Don’ talk...talk to m-me like that! Don’ to..touch me...” Oikawa’s father pushed him back, causing his back to slam against the bookshelf behind him. 

       “You need to get out of here.” Oikawa tried pushing his father out harder this time, hoping he would at least stumble out far enough for him to close and lock his door. 

       “Y-You...hear me boy?!” His father clenched his jaw, pushing Oikawa down to the ground. He fell on top of his son, pinning him down. 

       “You’re drunk!” Oikawa tried to push his father off of him, but his father was a bit on the larger side. “Get off of me!” 

       Oikawa’s father froze, his eyes bulging as his mouth started to hang open. Oikawa gagged as his father released his stomach onto Oikawa’s shirt, the sickening smell of bile making Oikawa nearly lose his dinner. 

       “Wh-Wha... What have you done to me...” His father slurred, as if it was Oikawa’s fault he’d just thrown up. His filthy hands clenched Oikawa’s soft, brown hair, yanking it upwards so that his head came closer to his own. “What ha...have you done to me?!” 

       Oikawa winced in pain, his father deciding to use his other hand to grip the skin on his arm. He clenched tightly as Oikawa thrashed underneath him. 

       “Stop moving!” His father bellowed, releasing his arm and instead punching it with his 

fist. “I said stop!” He raised his fist again, this time roughly slamming it down on Oikawa’s chest. 

       Oikawa cried out in pain as his father continue to yank his hair; to punch him in various places across his body until his father got bored and rolled off of him. His father stumbled to his feet, knocking down a chair as he fumbled out of the room and slammed the door. 

       Oikawa peeled off his soiled shirt, tossing it to the corner of his room. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he buried his head in his legs. 

       Never had his father hit him before. 


	4. Chapter 4

       “Trashykawa! What’s with your serves today? They’re weaker than usual!” Iwaizumi punched Oikawa in the arm, causing him to flinch a bit. “Huh?” 

       Oikawa shook his head, “Iwa-chan, so mean! I’m just tired, that’s all.” The said statement wasn’t a lie. Spending a night curled up on the floor in the fetal position was not the best way to count sheep. 

       “Fine, then if you want we can end practice for the day and-” 

       “No, Iwa-chan! Let’s keep going! Toss to me some more!” Oikawa flashed Iwaizumi a smile; a fake one at that, but he didn’t need to know.

       “Don’t wear yourself out, Oikawa. You need to conserve your energy for the game this Saturday! Don’t tell me you forgot about it, Shittykawa.” 

       Oikawa looked at him with wide eyes. How could he have already forgotten that they had a game against Karasuno this Saturday? “What... What day is today?” 

       “Friday.” 

       Oikawa nodded, “Okay, well then we need to practice, Iwa-chan! Toss to me some more!” 

       “Oikawa, you’re always like this the night before a game. Go home, get some rest.” Iwaizumi sighed, patting his best friend on the back. Oikawa flinched a bit again, but Iwaizumi chose to ignore it. Oikawa was usually jumpy the night before a game. 

       Oikawa swallowed thickly, “Alright, Iwa-chan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie, another short chapter! That's okay though because we all want Oikawa to suffer as little as possible, am I right? Unless you're like author-chan over here...


	5. Chapter 5

       Just like hope, sleep seemed to be but a mere fantasy that Oikawa couldn’t reach. He could only wish to be a child again, to be living in a house without his father. 

       His brain decided to take him down a trip through memory lane; back when him and Iwa-chan would catch beetles in the summer, have snowball fights in the winter, back when his mom would always support him at his volleyball games. 

       When Oikawa saw the first few rays of the sunrise start to bleed through his blinds, he started shoving his sports equipment into his gym bag. He left before his mother or father were awake, just in case they would try to stop him for whatever reason. Oikawa could hardly find any trace of logic in his parents’ minds anymore, as if they only carried the same useless fantasies he did as a child. 

       “Shittykawa, you’re here early.” 

       Oikawa was surprised to see that Iwa-chan had arrived at the gym early as well. “What are you doing here this early, Iwa-chan? Karasuno won’t be here for another three hours or so.” 

       Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, “I could ask you the same thing.” 

       “Oh, I was just nervous.” Oikawa lied, yawning loudly. 

       “You stayed up all night watching volleyball videos again, didn’t you?” 

       Oikawa paused, before he finally nodded. “Yeah. You caught me, Iwa-chan.” 

       “Stupid. You’re supposed to be rested.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Iwa-chan. Poor, poor Iwa-chan... Anyways! Chapter updates will be every Wednesday!


	6. Chapter 6

       Every player was in position, as was the audience in their seats. Their game against Karasuno wasn’t an official match, though many still came to watch as the “Great Oikawa” battled the “King of the Court.” 

“Oikawa sweetie! Good luck out there!” 

Oikawa turned his head to see both his mother and his father sitting in the front row. His hands tensed up around the ball as he looked at his father. 

“You’d better win!” 

To most, the phrase would seem like normal encouragement. However to Oikawa, it sounded like a threat. What if the quick duo outsmarted him? Would he be punished for it? Turning back to the ball, his hands began to shake a little. 

The coach blew the whistle, signalling that it was Oikawa’s turn to serve. From the other side of the net, he could see three of Karasuno’s players preparing themselves for his deadly serve. 

“Oi! Kageyama! What’s wrong with the grand king today? He seems off!” Hinata loudly commented to his teammate, who scuffed in response. 

The ball dropped to the floor, Oikawa unable to throw it. 

“Shittykawa, what the hell!” Iwaizumi yelled as Oikawa fled back to the changing room. 

Everyone on the court stood in confusion, as did the audience in their seats. Many looked to each other, as if their peers knew why Oikawa was acting up. 

Iwaizumi was the first to move, running after Oikawa into the changing room. 

Oikawa sat on the floor, sports bottle in hand. 

“What the hell was that? You better tell me what’s going on! All of a sudden you can’t play?” He waited impatiently for an explanation, stopping in front of where Oikawa sat. 

“Iwa-chan, I...” Oikawa stood up, “I don’t think I can do this.” 

“Bullshit! What’s the matter with you! You’re stronger than this!” Iwaizumi harshly slapped him on the shoulder, “Hurry up and get out there before we’re disqualified!” He turned to walk back to the court, not noticing that Oikawa had flinched once again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D I'm back! I hope you enjoyed the update even though it was SUFFERING! I'll be back next Wednesday for another update so yeah!


	7. Chapter 7

_ Karasuno-25 Aoba Johsai-19 _

 

The score remained prominent in Oikawa’s mind as he endured a harsh shove into the wall. Oikawa hadn’t even had enough time to change out of his gym uniform entirely, so he’d been shirtless when his father rammed him. Oikawa stumbled back and hit the corner of his wooden dresser. 

“Why didn’t you win?” His father demanded an answer, glaring daggers into Oikawa’s brown eyes. Oikawa tried to avoid his father’s look though, as he was already beating himself up enough over the loss. How could he have let Karasuno get 6 whole points ahead of him? 

It was for this reason that he let his father push him. The sharp edge of the dresser scratched through his skin, drawing a bit of blood. Oikawa clenched his teeth, bracing himself before his father grabbed his hair and pulled him forward. Once again, Oikawa could smell the alcohol protruding off of his breath; a permanent smell and reminder of his wrath. 

“I won’t accept a failure in this house. Neither will your mother!” He released his grasp on Oikawa’s hair. 

“I know my mom isn’t like that! Unlike you, she loves me no matter what.” Oikawa gave his father his signature condescending glare, this instance being one of the few times where the glare was actually warranted. 

His father didn’t hesitate to deliver a quick smack across Oikawa’s right cheek. Oikawa lifted his arm to hold the right side of his face, but his father yanked his arm back. “Take it like a man! Accept your punishment!” 

Oikawa pulled away, pushing past his father and walking straight into his parents’ room. 

“Oh, Tooru,” his mother looked up from the pile of laundry she was folding on her bed, “Karasuno’s number ten was something, wasn’t he? Don’t worry, I’m sure you and Iwa-chan will beat them next time!” His mother’s chirp voice didn’t fluctuate, didn’t falter as she looked back down at her folding. When Oikawa didn’t respond, she looked up to see a cold look painted across her son’s face. “What’s wrong, Tooru?” 

“You need to kick him out.” Oikawa could see his mother’s hands tense just a bit. 

“Tooru, we talked about this. I know you’re still caught up on what happened in the past but-” 

“Mom, he’s been hurting you!” Oikawa stomped forward and grabbed his mother’s wrist, rolling up the sleeve to reveal a row of fresh-looking bruises. His mother gently pulled her arm away, rolling the sleeve back down. It hurt him to see his mother like this. “Mom, listen to me. He’s been hurting us both.” 

His mother’s expression became unreadable. 

“Tooru,” her voice was calm. Collected. It sent a chill down Oikawa’s spine, “Don’t talk about your father like that. I won’t accept a liar in this house.” The similarity to his father’s previous words were shocking enough to take all of the words out of Oikawa’s mouth, added to the fact that his mother literally just  _ denied  _ the fact that either her or Oikawa were being abused. 

Oikawa turned and went back to his room, unable to look his mother in the eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa's mother is slowly losing it owo;; My my what will Oikawa do now?


	8. Chapter 8

“Oikawa? You should have texted me that you were coming over. I would have saved you some leftovers.” Iwaizumi stood in the doorway of his house, eyeing Oikawa up and down. Although it _was_ quite normal for Oikawa to show up at his doormat without question, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but feel like something was  _ different  _ about this occurrence. 

Oikawa had his duffel bag loosely thrown over his shoulders, the zipper only halfway closed. A few articles of clothing protruded from it, as if they had been messily shoved inside without care. Oikawa’s hair, as far as Iwaizumi could tell, was messy and had not been brushed through, and his white shirt... a bit of blood seeped through the cotton material on his shoulder. 

Iwaizumi moved out of the way so that Oikawa could come inside. 

“Oh, Tooru!” Iwaizumi’s mother smiled widely as she rushed into the front room to greet him, “What a nice surprise! Are you going to be spending the night?” 

Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa, wondering the same thing. 

Oikawa nodded, “Yes, if you don’t mind.” 

“Oh, no trouble at all! Make yourself at home. How have your folks been holding up?” 

The simple question made Oikawa’s shoulders feel as if someone had added ten pounds to them. He nodded, swallowing. “They’ve been good.” 

“I heard your father came back home as well. I haven’t heard from him in... It’s been almost ten years now, hasn’t it? How is he doing?” 

“Mom,” Iwaizumi, thankfully, interrupted, “Questions.” His mother smiled, apologizing with a quick laugh as she returned to what she was doing. 

Once the two boys had safely retreated to Iwaizumi’s room and shut the door, Iwaizumi crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Alright, explain yourself.” 

“Explain what?” Oikawa didn’t look up at Iwaizumi. Rather, he kept his attention on slowly lowering his bag onto Iwa-chan’s bed, fiddling with the zipper, messing with the clothes he’d hastily packed. 

“Why you suddenly appeared with absolutely no notice at my doorstep at 11:00 at night looking like you just got mugged.” 

Oikawa’s hand suddenly trailed up to the back of his hair, slowly smoothing it over. 

“Oikawa. Look at me.” When Oikawa still refused to listen, Iwaizumi stomped over to him, “Earth to Trashykawa! Was your brain finally abducted by the aliens?” He grabbed Oikawa’s face expecting to see his usual smirk, however the look he met instead made his grip falter. “Hey, uh... I didn’t mean it... You don’t have to...” Iwaizumi had known Oikawa for practically his entire life, and yet this was one of the things he hardly knew how to deal with.

_ Oikawa’s tears.  _

“Was it because of what I said?” Iwaizumi insulted Oikawa on almost a daily basis, but none of his name calling, teasing, or jabbing had brought Oikawa to tears. He had a feeling that his insults weren’t the cause of this problem. 

Oikawa shook his head, palming away a few of his tears, “It’s nothing, Iwa-chan. It’s really dumb.” 

Iwaizumi sighed, “Is this about the game today? You don’t have to beat yourself up over it so much.” He glanced at Oikawa’s shoulder. “Did you get that from the game today too?” 

Oikawa nodded, running his fingers over the wound underneath his shirt. The scratch had reopened, and was bleeding again. 

“Take off your shirt.” 

Oikawa’s stomach dropped as Iwa-chan grabbed the hem of his shirt. He quickly stumbled back, slipping and landing on his butt. He hissed in pain, trying to hold back another fresh wave of tears. 

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. “You’ve definitely been acting strange lately. As your  _ best friend,  _ don’t you think I at least deserve to know what’s going on?” He knew his specific choice of words would at least trigger a half-assed explanation. 

Oikawa’s hands gripped his shirt, and Iwaizumi could tell that he seemed hesitant. 

“C’mon, Oikawa. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” Oikawa’s silence was beginning to make him nervous. 

“Iwa-chan, can I take a shower? I feel really gross.” Oikawa stood up, walking over to his duffel bag and fishing out a pair of pajamas. The term  _ ‘gross’ _ was an understatement. He still hadn’t showered since the night before his father hurled on him. 

“Oh, sure. You know where the towels are.” Iwaizumi watched Oikawa intently as he left the room, a sigh finally escaping his lips. 

He could tell that Oikawa was _definitely_ hiding something. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are you today? Hope you're well! Anyways, this chapter was fun for me to write because it has a lot of angst. Ooh, and now Iwa-chan is starting to get suspicious too~ :)


	9. Chapter 9

Oikawa turned off the water, stepping out onto the bathroom floor and grabbing his towel, which was sitting on the counter. As he began to thoroughly dry the different parts of his body, his eyes traveled to the mirror. 

His shoulder cut, for one thing, had reopened again and had started to bleed, the blood dripping down his back. Bruises were speckled and spread out across the tops of his arms, his chest, his stomach, his back. Cuts and scratches lined his back and arms as well. He may as well have looked like someone who just walked out of a fight club. 

He turned away from his grotesque reflection, trying to dress himself as quickly as he could so that he didn’t have to look at his wounds anymore. He grabbed his shirt.

“Hey, Oikawa, are you done in here-” Iwaizumi froze at the doorway of the bathroom. 

Oikawa dropped his shirt on the ground in surprise, immediately trying to scoop up the fabric and pull it over his head in a futile attempt to hide his wounds from Iwaizumi. He knew it was too late though. 

_ He had already seen.  _

Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa’s shirt out of his hands and dropped it on the counter, his eyes wide as he scanned all of the bruises and cuts that dotted Oikawa’s arms, chest, and back. Oikawa was thankful that he at least had been able to get his pants on before Iwaizumi barged in. 

Without a single word, Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa’s hand and dragged him back to his room. Iwaizumi stood in front of Oikawa, who took a seat on his bed. Oikawa stared down at Iwa-chan’s feet, shivering a little at the cold temperature of the room. 

“Oikawa... How did this happen?” Iwaizumi let his voice contrast from his usual gruff tone, instead letting his words out gently. If he was going to get Oikawa to give him an answer, he figured he should probably  _ not  _ freak out. “I know this isn’t all from volleyball practice.” 

Oikawa stayed silent as he continued to look down. Once again, he was unable to meet Iwaizumi’s eyes. 

Iwaizumi sat next to Oikawa on the bed. “Hey, I want to help you. Can you look at me?” He gently grabbed Oikawa’s chin, turning his head to face him. Oikawa’s brown eyes were overflowing with tears. 

“I’m sorry Iwa-chan, but I can’t tell you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Sorry I'm a day late!!! ENJOY THE SUFFERING OF THIS CHAPTER BC I SUFFERED WHILE MAKING IT >o<


	10. Chapter 10

Iwaizumi was silent as Oikawa slipped out to go grab his shirt. When he returned, it was as if the ordeal had never happened. He wore his usual smile, and his face was no longer red and puffy, nor was it tear-struck. 

“Oikawa, I know you don’t want to talk about it.” Iwaizumi pat the spot next to him on the bed, gesturing for Oikawa to sit. 

Oikawa sat next to him, waiting for Iwaizumi to finish. 

“Talk to me. I’m eventually going to find out what happened to you anyways. You suck at keeping secrets from me.” 

Oikawa looked down at his hands, debating whether it would burden Iwaizumi if he told him. 

“Is someone bullying you at school?” Iwaizumi found the very statement hard to believe. If anyone on his team could be deemed the most popular with the girls, it would definitely be Oikawa. But then again, that might have pissed off some of the guys who would have otherwise had a chance, right? “Is he a third year?” Iwaizumi was not one to play the 50 questions game, but he would if it meant that Oikawa would tell him what’s going on. 

“Iwa-chan, you’re just like your mom. Asking me a million questions.” Oikawa knew he was changing the subject, and he could tell that Iwaizumi’s suspense was slowly going to drive the boy over the edge. The two of them hardly kept secrets from each other, despite Iwaizumi’s rugged exterior and Oikawa’s tendency to act unfairly. 

A slight knock on the door tore Iwaizumi from his alleged interrogation. 

“Hajime, sweetie.” His mother peeked her head through the door, bearing her usual soft smile. She looked over at Oikawa, “Tooru, your mother is here. You didn’t tell her that you were coming over?” She gave a small chuckle, assuming that Oikawa had simply forgotten to let his folks know that he was here. 

Oikawa didn’t want to act unnatural, especially in front of Iwaizumi, much less his mother, so he stood up and walked with Iwaizumi and his mother to the living room. 

Oikawa’s mother stared down at the warm cup of tea in her hands with an unreadable expression, only lifting her head at the sound of Mrs.Iwaizumi’s footsteps entering the room. She set the teacup back down on the coffee table. 

“Tooru! There you are. I assumed you would be here when I didn’t see you anywhere in the house. Come on now, let’s go home.” Grabbing her small handbag from beside her and swinging it over her shoulders, she bowed politely to Mrs.Iwaizumi and waited for her son to follow. 

“It’s no big deal if I stay over here, right? I stay over all the time.” Oikawa tried to act as casual as he could, though he could tell he was definitely pushing it. 

“Your father is waiting in the car. He’d like to have a word with you about running off so suddenly.” 

_ A word.  _

Oikawa, for the first time in his life, didn’t know what to do. If he went along with his mother as if nothing was wrong, it would only get him hurt. He knew his father didn’t want to talk to him. He wanted to  _ punch  _ him.  _ Hit  _ him.  _ Abuse  _ him. But if he started acting weird, it would raise concern with Iwaizumi’s mother, and it would only make Iwaizumi more suspicious than he already was.  _ But _ if he stood here not saying a single word and trying to conceal the slight trembling of his hands, it would only cause everyone problems. 

“I’ll... Let me...Get. My. Stuff.” Oikawa hesitantly turned to go back to Iwaizumi’s room, Iwaizumi following behind him. 

As soon as Iwaizumi shut the door behind him, Oikawa didn’t hesitate to lock it before he grabbed his bag. 

“Iwa-chan, we have to get out of here. I can’t go back out there.” Oikawa hastily shoved some of his clothes back into his bag before walking across the room to open the window. 

“Hey! Oikawa! What do you think you’re doing? Are you crazy?” Iwaizumi grabbed his arm, “We can’t just leave!” He sighed, “Look, if you’re trying to escape from the bullies at school, then you should go home and rest. I’ll take care of them on Monday.” 

_ Bullies at school.  _

“It’s not bullies.” The words were out in the air before Oikawa could stop them. 

“Well what is it then?” Iwaizumi tried to gently pull his best friend away from the window, but Oikawa wouldn’t budge. He let go, hoping that he would explain himself after the window was open. 

Oikawa quickly tossed his bag through the open window. He wasn’t too concerned about its safety, considering Iwaizumi’s house only had one story. 

“Oikawa, where are you planning on running off to?” Iwaizumi figured that if he couldn’t stop him, he could at least talk some sense into him. “There’s nowhere else to go. Unless you’re thinking about going to Kageyama’s house.” 

Oikawa’s expression was almost pitiful. “I-I don’t know. Iwa-chan, but please come with me. We can figure it out later. We just have to get out of here now!” 

“If I’m going anywhere with you, you’d better explain why you can’t go back there.” Iwaizumi was fed up with being left in the dark. Oikawa never kept secrets from him, and this issue seemed to be huge. 

“Fine, I promise I’ll explain everything later! Can we please just go?” Oikawa’s heart raced a beat when he heart a fist knock on the door. 

“Hajime? Tooru? What’s taking so long? Tooru dear, your mother is waiting for you.” 

Oikawa’s eyes widened as he looked from the door back to Iwaizumi. “Iwa-chan,” he lowered his voice to a whisper, “I can’t stay here.” 

Iwaizumi clenched his fists, looking between Oikawa and the door. Knowing Oikawa, he could have probably pissed someone off again, but was that really the case here? As much as he wanted to know what was going on,  _ leaving  _ and  _ sneaking out of the house  _ were blatant acts of disrespect to  _ both  _ of his parents, not to mention Oikawa’s as well. 

“Hajime?” The doorknob twisted, but since Oikawa had locked the door, it did not open. “Why did you lock the door, sweetie?” 

“Oh, Oikawa is changing! We’ll be out in five minutes!” Iwaizumi called back to his mother, who finally retreated. “Oikawa, I don’t know about this...” 

Oikawa turned, his back facing Iwaizumi, “I-I’ll just have to go by myself then. But I can’t stay here. I can’t...” He hoisted one leg through Iwaizumi’s window before looking back at him. “Do...you have the keys to the school gym?”

“Oh, what the hell.” Iwaizumi grabbed his gym bag and opened his drawer, quickly shoving a few shirts and pairs of pants inside before zipping it and hoisting it up over his shoulders. Giving one hesitant look back at his locked door, he followed Oikawa out the window before shutting it softly. 

Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa’s ear down to his face and harshly whispered, “If you don’t have a good explanation for this by the end of the night, I’m not talking to you for a week.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie wowow the trainwreck of feels and angst continues on! owo Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Leave a comment if you want X3 See you next Wednesday!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry I didn't update earlier in the day! (It's 9:54 PM about now) Revisions were taking a bit longer than expected :') But at least the writing sounds a lot better now! Enjoy chapter 11~!

“We can’t stay here all night, you do know that right?” Iwaizumi quickly slid opened the door to the gym before the two of them tiptoed inside. Once the door was shut behind them, the only illumination left was the moonlight streaming through the windows. Thankfully, there was a full moon outside.

“I know that, Iwa-chan. But where else are we going to go?” Just as he usually did, Oikawa tried to remain unbreakable. Iwaizumi knew damn well that Oikawa was the leader type, and leaders were always acting like they had everything together. _Acting_ was a skill one naturally acquired when they became a leader. They always had to act cool and collected for the sake of everyone else; for the ones who were weak.

Oikawa’s chocolate eyes shined with the light of the moon, his white shirt scuffed up with dirt and blood, mostly from their dangerous hike through thirteen backyards and one rocky forest trail. Hopping fences wasn’t clean work, especially with Oikawa’s bad knee.

“Alright, well in the meantime you can tell me what’s going on with you.” Iwaizumi immediately noticed Oikawa’s gaze drop. “You promised you’d tell me, remember?”

Oikawa exhaled, finding a sudden interest in twiddling his fingers, “Iwa-chan, I don’t think I can—”

“Tooru. You _will_ tell me.” Oikawa still had a look of uncertainty painted across his expression, and unsure of what else to do, Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa’s hand. “I won’t be upset.” Iwaizumi felt ambivalent fingers clench tightly around his own.

“Promise, Iwa-chan?”

“I promise.”

There was a slight pause, the entire room growing silent bar the crickets chirping outside. When Oikawa finally met the docile, yet concerned pools of Iwaizumi’s eyes, a hard lump started to form in the back of his throat.

“I was weak.” With his free hand, Oikawa grazed his shoulder. “And because I was weak, I... I let this happen to me.”

“What do you mean?” Iwaizumi didn’t have a clue what Oikawa was trying to imply. Rather, he was just acting confusing.

Nearly losing the willpower to hold Iwaizumi’s gaze steady, Oikawa bit his lip, pausing for the next second or so before he continued.

“Ever since... ever since my dad got back from home, he...” Shame clutched at Oikawa’s throat, and he was unable to finish his sentence.

“He... did this?” Iwaizumi pictured the mirage of cuts and bruises he’d seen swirled across Oikawa’s body.

“Sneaking in again to practice your serves again?”

Iwaizumi dropped Oikawa’s hand and spun around, his heart nearly jumping out of his chest from the sudden unfamiliar voice that echoed across the gym.  

“O-Oh uh... yeah! You caught us, Coach Irihata.” Iwaizumi pat Oikawa’s shoulder as he

mustered up a fake grin. “You mind if we stay?”

Irihata tapped his foot, his dark brows furrowing, “You know, usually I would, seeing how that game against Karasuno went, but...”  He glanced over his shoulder, “I’m about to finish up here within the next few minutes. The only reason I came out here was because I thought I heard voices. No surprise it was you two.”

Iwaizumi laughed nervously, “Yeah! We understand. Let’s go, Oikawa.”

Oikawa gave a quick nod, giving the coach a polite little wave before following Iwaizumi towards the gym doors.

“Oh, hold on you two. Let me get my car keys. I’ll give you two a ride back home. It’s gotten to be pretty late now, hasn’t it?”

The two boys quickened their pace.

“That’s okay, we can walk from here.”

“We’re okay, Coach.”

“Nonsense!” Irihata fingered through his pockets until he found his keys, and when he led both of his players to his car he could almost sense that something was amiss. However, if he noticed anything, he didn’t say it.

Without another word, Iwaizumi and Oikawa both slid into the backseat of Coach Irihata’s car, unable to refuse properly.

“You two live over by Miyano Street, I remember.” It wasn’t the first time that the coach had given the two boys a ride home from practice, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Iwaizumi and Oikawa were usually the last ones to leave practice, and the coach was always more than happy to give them a lift considering their houses weren’t too far from the school. (At least by car)

“Here we are, Tooru.”

“Thanks, Coach.” Oikawa muttered flatly, forcing himself out of the car.

“Actually, I’m staying at Oikawa’s house tonight, so I’ll see myself out too. Thank you Coach.” Iwaizumi slid out of the car as well, the two boys waving goodbye as Irihata drove off into the night.

The lights inside Oikawa’s house were still turned on. Occasionally, a few shadows flickered over the thin curtains. As the silence settled and the sound of Irihata’s car became distant, both boys could already hear the sounds of glass shattering from the inside.  

Oikawa’s stomach immediately clenched.

“It’s not safe, Iwa-chan. I can... I’ll deal with this.” Stepping forward past Iwaizumi, he made his way to the door.

“Idiot. I’m coming with you.”

The two of them paused at the only barrier that kept them from whatever nightmare fuel lurked inside. Iwaizumi noticed the slight tremble in Oikawa’s hands; the way he kept them clenched so that no one would notice. They looked at each other, Oikawa’s expression reluctant and Iwaizumi’s a bit skeptical.

With one deep breath, Oikawa turned the doorknob and pushed himself into his house, Iwaizumi following promptly behind him. The two of them quickly abandoned their shoes and bags at the doorway.

“—FAULT HE’S GONE!”

“MY FAULT? IT’S YOUR FAULT! DUMB BITCH!”

Oikawa peeked his head into the kitchen, his eyes widening at the scene unfolding before him. Broken shards of glass were littered across the kitchen floor, while empty beer bottles lay untouched on the countertops. A few empty beer cans lay dormant in the corner of the room.

It was as if his parents were dancing, the way they swung at each other; how their limbs bent and contorted to dodge each other’s attacks, only to return the gesture. They didn’t seem to notice the mess at their feet, despite the sharp sound of glass being swept across the floor every time they lunged at each other. Their bodies were entangled in one another’s although it was anything but beautiful.

Grabbing one of the abandoned beer bottles off of the counter, his father smashed the lower half against the edge of the countertop.

His mother flung herself backwards, her hands sloppily gripping the kitchen sink.

“You wouldn’t!”

Nearly tripping over his own two feet, Oikawa’s father haphazardly swung the shattered beer bottle in his partner’s direction.

Oikawa couldn’t bear to watch this for any longer. He marched into the kitchen, wincing as a few pieces of shattered glass cut through his socks and the bottom of his feet. Grabbing the back collar of his father’s shirt, he pulled the drunken man back, causing them both to fall backwards into a pile of shards.

“There you are you piece of shit!” Oikawa’s father didn’t seem to notice the glass on the floor. He rolled off of Oikawa before grabbing his head and slamming it down onto the tile.

Oikawa struggled against his grip, his mother’s frantic wailing in the background not helping him whatsoever. Chubby fingers wrapped around his neck, Oikawa’s lungs soon becoming desperate for air as he jerked at his father’s hands.

“I-Iwa...ch-chaghn!” Oikawa coughed out, his attempts to pry his father off of him proving to be futile.

Iwaizumi finally set into motion as his legs unfroze. He ran into the kitchen, jumping back as the glass on the floor sharply sliced his feet.

“Shit! Oikawa!”

“I-Iwa...”

“Shut up!” His father pushed down harder, Oikawa desperately clawing at the tile floor as he struggled to breathe.

Deciding to ignore the screaming pain in his feet, Iwaizumi lunged at Oikawa’s father, the older man’s grip faltering enough for Oikawa to suck in a large breath. Oikawa slid out from underneath his father and Iwaizumi, wincing as he pushed himself up with his bad knee. Forcing the pain into the back of his mind, his attempts to separate his father from Iwa-chan were akin to two animals fighting in the wild. With one solid shove from Oikawa, his father lost his footing.

The grip that Oikawa’s father had on Iwaizumi’s shirt stiffened, however, causing Iwaizumi to fall on top of him. Both of them hit the ground with a _thud,_ and the momentary shock it sent through his father’s inebriated body was enough to let Iwaizumi escape.

Though Oikawa hadn’t noticed it before, a small trickle of blood cascaded down his mother’s face. One of her hands gently held a spot on her head; probably from where her ex husband had thrown that half shattered bottle.

“Mom... Your face... I... I can’t keep this a secret anymore! I’m calling the police!” Oikawa quickly slid his phone out of his right pocket.

“Wait!” Oikawa looked up from the screen to see his mother trying to navigate through the sea of glass on the kitchen floor. “Don’t! Please!” Her voice cracked as she desperately reached forward, as if she could snatch her son’s phone right out of his hands.

“What? Why not? You’re hurt! I’m hurt! Iwa-chan is hurt!”

“No! We’ll be okay! Your father isn’t a bad person he...” His mother took a cautious step forward, gritting her teeth. “He doesn’t mean it! He doesn’t mean to hurt us! He’s a good person, really! He won’t do it again! Please!”

Shaking his head, Oikawa dialed _119_. “Mom, I’m sorry.”  

Iwaizumi peered down at Oikawa’s father, who had finally passed out on the floor. He looked back up at Oikawa’s mother, who had blood, sweat, and tears streaming down her face.

“Tooru... Tooru! Are you listening to me? It was my fault! I made him angry and... It was my fault that this happened! Don’t call anyone!” His mother screamed.

From behind him, Iwaizumi was shouting as well. “Oikawa! What are you doing?” There was exhaustion present in his voice. Would he even stick around after this was all over? Oikawa figured it was a silly question, seeing as how they were childhood friends, but... What if Iwaizumi didn’t... What if he blamed Oikawa for getting hurt? What if he was angry?

Oikawa was definitely not a stranger to Iwaizumi’s fury, that was for sure. However, despite all of the times he teased his best friend, pissed him off intentionally, joked around with him, _this_ was completely different.

Iwaizumi was _hurt,_ and it was because Oikawa had tried to be the hero and go save his mom. It had worked, yes, to an extent, but Oikawa couldn’t help but sink in an immense wave of guilt. Going back even further, it was all because Iwaizumi had been _dragged_ into this. Rather than showing up at his house, Oikawa should have just ran away from home.

Grip now wavering, he looked down.

“Oikawa, hurry up!”

“Tooru, please don’t! This won’t happen again I-I won’t make him angry again...”

“Listen to _me_ , Oikawa. We’re hurt, as you said! Call an ambulance or _I’ll_ do it for you.”

“Ah, Hajime, please, I...” Oikawa’s mother called out. Iwaizumi looked back at her. The brunette woman tried to give him a halfhearted smile. “You’ve done so much, Hajime, tha-that’s alright. You don’t have to...” Looking between her son and his best friend, she took a few more steps forward towards the two boys.

Looking back down at his phone once more, Oikawa stared down at the _119_ he had typed.

“Okay, I’ll do it.” He tried to keep his voice steady as he pressed the _call_ button.

Oikawa’s mother crumpled to the ground as her son talked to the emergency dispatcher on the other line.

“.... Yes... We’re hurt... Uh huh—” Oikawa yelped loudly as his entire body hit the ground, the phone dropping from his hand and sliding across the floor. Looking down at his feet, he could see his father’s large hand wrapped around his ankle.

“Hello? Mr.Oikawa?”

Iwaizumi scrambled to pick up the discarded cell. “Hello, yes? This is Iwaizumi Hajime. We need help right away. His father is starting to regain consciousness and he’s—”

“IWA-CHAN!”

Whipping his head to look back at Oikawa, his heart nearly stopped. Oikawa’s father had Oikawa pinned underneathe him, a knife (When did he grab one?) pointed directly at Oikawa’s neck. The tip of the knife pricked Oikawa’s skin, making the spot trickle with blood.

“You should have...” His father slurred, his words a bit clearer now that he wasn’t as drunk as before, “You should have never been born. You were... a mistake...”

Oikawa laid still, his heart pounding. Any sudden move could potentially kill him.

Iwaizumi didn’t hesitate. Charging forward, he clutched the arm that held the knife and tried to pry it away from Oikawa’s neck.

“Let go! I never...I never liked you, Hajime.” Oikawa’s father roughly shrugged him off, the knife cutting Oikawa’s shoulder in the process.

Flinching slightly at the pain, Oikawa could feel tears start to leak out of his eyes. He wished he’d never gotten Iwaizumi involved, even if it meant that he himself would be the one getting hurt.

Raising the knife in the air, Oikawa’s father’s face twisted into a snarl.

“Oikawa!” Once again, Iwaizumi felt his feet moving before he could even think about what he was doing. Lunging forward to cover Oikawa, Iwaizumi felt a sharp pain ignite in his left arm.

Fear pulsed through Iwaizumi’s entire body as he forced himself to look down. The knife was firmly lodged deep into his skin, and it took everything he had not to collapse onto his knees. He bit his lip, horribly suppressing a pained shriek. Blood poured out of his arm as if it was an endless, red fountain. Iwaizumi’s right hand shakily gripped the knife handle, giving a weak tug. The knife didn’t budge.

For Oikawa, everything had played out as if it were all in slow motion. He had frozen in place as Iwaizumi’s arm had stretched out in front of him, the knife sharply impaling his arm. He laid there helplessly pinned underneath his father, Iwaizumi’s pained screams the only thing he could hear.

His eyes widened as he watched his father grab Iwaizumi’s left wrist, yanking him closer. The knife was roughly yanked out of Iwaizumi’s arm, the silver blade almost entirely soaked in crimson blood.

Iwaizumi shrank to the floor, clutching his bloodied arm tightly as if it would fall off. Lowering his head, he tried to bottle up another painful exclamation.

Oikawa couldn’t help but stare at Iwaizumi’s arm—the very injury that _he_ had caused. No, his father wasn’t the reason why Iwaizumi had gotten stabbed, it was _his_ fault. Oikawa thought back to his father’s previous words.

_‘If I let my father hurt me, if I let him kill me... Will Iwa-chan stop getting hurt?’_ Once again feeling the cold press of metal against his neck, he squeezed his eyes shut. At the very least, he hoped it wouldn’t be too painful.

He was already at the edge, seeing as how the only sounds he could hear were the choked wails of his mother and the pained screams of his injured best friend.

Oikawa apprehensively waited for his father to finish what he had started. He waited and waited, his life practically flashing before his eyes.

_The day when his father left; the first time he had actually tasted the sweet flavor of hope in his mouth._

_The times he spent as a child, playing with Iwa-chan in the mud._

_The fun laughs he had shared with Iwa-chan the time they had played ‘The Floor is Lava!’ together._

_All of the countless volleyball matches, all of the times he’d tossed the ball to Iwa-chan, all of the victories they’d savored._

_Oikawa wished he could relive every moment, both good and bad. If it meant that he could be with Iwa-chan one more day, it didn’t matter._

The deafening howl of nearby sirens brought Oikawa back to his senses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, even though it was hard not to get repetitive with the fight scene :0 Ah well, I hope you guys enjoyed it at least!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know chapter 12 is a bit short, which is why I'm going to post both chapters 12 AND 13 today! Wowie wowow double update! :D HOPE you enjoy it! (Why am I like this?)

He wasn’t dead, or so he thought. 

Slowly opening one eye, he immediately noticed that his father’s attention was fixated on the front door. The sounds of footsteps grew louder and louder, and above him, Oikawa could feel his father flinch as the door was kicked open. 

Six or seven policemen flooded into the room, two of them with their guns pointed at Oikawa’s father. 

“Drop your weapon sir. And get off of the boy.”   
Oikawa’s father reluctantly obliged, seeing as how he wasn’t too keen on being shot. A pair of handcuffs were soon firmly latched around his wrists, which had been pinned behind his back by another officer. 

A few paramedics rushed into the room, their attention primarily focused on Iwaizumi and the fountain of blood that was spewing from his arm. 

At this point, Iwaizumi had collapsed completely. The paramedics worked quickly, tying a tourniquet around his upper arm. After it seemed as though he had been at least partially stabilized, a few of the paramedics strayed away from Iwaizumi to help Oikawa and his mother. 

“Can you stand?” 

Oikawa tested the question, pushing up on his arms but inevitably falling back down. A sharp pain once again erupted in the bottoms of his feet; a reminder of the bloody mess that was probably waiting for him down there. A sudden tsunami of exhaustion swept over Oikawa’s body, and he found it extremely difficult to keep his eyes open any longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, it's not ending here!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the double update!

“...wake up soon. We put him under general anesthesia to take care of his arm wound. We also took care of all of the glass shards. They were primarily lodged in the bottom of his feet, so of course it will take some time before he can walk normally again.” 

_ ‘Huh? Voices...’ _

Iwaizumi tried to open his eyes, but the harsh light of the room forced him to keep them shut. His eyes, along with the rest of his body, felt extremely heavy, and it took him a few minutes(?) before he could even wiggle his fingers. 

His right hand felt cold, and something protruded out of it. He immediately wanted to yank out the foreign object, but he couldn’t find the inner strength to do so. 

Once again testing his eyes, the light seemed a little less unkind. It was still bright, nonetheless, but... 

As the room slowly came into focus, Iwaizumi soon realized where he was. The strong scent of sterilizer wafting around the room confirmed his hypothesis; he was at a hospital. 

His head was a bit foggy, as was his eyesight, but the memories playing clearly through his head as if they were a movie. 

“Oh! Hajime! You’re awake!” 

Iwaizumi was showered in kisses and gentle hugs. 

“M-Mom...” 

Iwaizumi could tell that his mother had been crying. Her face currently wore a soft smile, but her eyes were definitely red and puffy. Beside her stood a doctor clad in a white coat. His expression was monotonous. 

Looking down at his hand, Iwaizumi realized that the unidentified object was an IV. 

_ ‘Well, I’m glad I didn’t pull it out.’  _

“Hajime,” His mother recluded back to her chair, which sat comfortably by his hospital bed, “I just want you to know that I don’t think  _ any  _ less of Tooru.” 

Iwaizumi blinked. 

_ ‘Oikawa!’  _

“How... How is he...Oikawa...” 

Iwaizumi’s mother looked at the doctor, who shrugged. “I’ll have to check with his doctor.” With that, he promptly left the room. 

Iwaizumi looked down nervously, trying to push out the pain gradually growing in his left arm.  

“I’m sure he’ll be okay, Hajime.” His mother whispered. He knew she was just trying to sugar-coat things, though. Just as she always did.

The two of them dripped into an awkward silence, neither of them speaking until the doctor finally returned. 

“How is he?” Iwaizumi immediately asked, not even giving the doctor a chance to fully enter the room. 

The doctor pursed his lips, a bit annoyed with Iwaizumi’s impatience. 

“He’s doing just fine.”

“When can I see him? Can I...” He looked down at his heavily bandaged body, before looking back up at the doctor.

“I’m sorry, Mr.Iwaizumi. Oikawa said that he didn’t want to see you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, what's up with Oikawa hahahhahaahahaha a *elapses into awkward silence* . . . SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!! :0


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm back again for the next update! Wowie I wonder why Oikawa is acting fishy :/ Hmmmm

Sitting around all day, at least in Iwaizumi’s opinion, definitely _sucked._ He wanted to play some volleyball to ease his nerves, though he knew why he couldn’t do that.

“Mr.Iwaizumi,” A nurse rolled a small cart into the room, a tray of food and a bottle of orange juice sitting on top. “It’s time for your breakfast. Today we have miso soup, rice, and a small portion of steamed fish. Oh! And orange juice, as well.”

Iwaizumi smiled at the nurse, politely thanking her as she handed him the tray.

Silence cloaked the room as Iwaizumi ate. His gaze was fixed on the window next to his  bed. He was lucky enough to get a room with a nice view, not to mention plenty of sunlight to keep the room bright during the day.

“Mr.Iwaizumi, you’ve been quiet for the past few days. What are you thinking about?”

“Volleyball.”

“Oh. You play sports then, huh?”

“Yeah. I’m the ace for my team.”

“Very cool.” The nurse smiled.

Iwaizumi could tell that this woman knew nothing about the sport, but he didn’t mind talking to her about it anyways. A particular question had been plaguing his mind lately. He wouldn’t be lying if he said the whole ordeal with Oikawa had been bothering him immensely for the past several days, but as of right now, one question rose high above them all.

“After this... will I be able to play again?” He could feel the nurse’s gaze quickly flicker down to his arm before looking back up at him again.

“We’ll have to see how your arm is healing. Your feet too! We’ll be keeping you here until you can walk on your own again, so you’ll have your answer then.” Briskly picking up the empty tray that laid on Iwaizumi’s lap, she gave the boy a gentle smile. “Cheer up, okay? You’re lucky we were able to stitch up that arm of yours.” She winked.

“Um... Can I actually... I’d like to request something.”

The nurse nodded, “Anything.”

“I’d like to see my friend, Oikawa Tooru. He said he didn’t want to see me, but...” How could he convince her? “He’s an idiot. He doesn’t know what he wants and—”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help you, but I would lose my job. It would be illegal to take you to another patient’s room without their consent.”

Nodding solemnly, Iwaizumi waited impatiently as the nurse continued with her topical banter, until finally she packed a few things onto her cart and left the room.

Iwaizumi waited a few minutes; until he was completely sure that she was gone.

Sitting up was difficult, but not an impossible task. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed and gripping the IV stand, he braced himself before pushing his weight onto his feet.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Iwaizumi’s feet were not yet fully recovered, and technically he was not supposed to walk on them until they had _completely_ healed, but...

Forcing himself to continue, Iwaizumi was finally able to stand up straight. His breathing was jagged as he tried to ignore the pain.

Iwaizumi looked down at his hand, where the IV stuck out.

Biting his lip nervously, he carefully removed the needle, sighing a breath of relief that he’d done it without hurting himself.

He let the IV stand go, his arms finding themselves outward so that he could balance. Each step he took sent a strike of pain through his body, but he pushed forward past the door of his room.

He made sure none of his doctors were in the vicinity before he turned right. Scanning the nameplates that were outside each of the doors, he desperately searched for _Oikawa, Tooru_. Iwaizumi’s feet were on fire, but if it meant he could fix things with Oikawa, he was almost willing to go through with it.

Iwaizumi was relieved to find that he had taken the correct direction. (Stroke of luck?) Without bothering to knock, Iwaizumi slid open the door and quickly limped into the room. He slid the door shut behind him before any other doctors walked by.

“Oi. Trashykawa.”

Oikawa ducked underneath the covers as soon as he noticed Iwaizumi approaching.

Quickly taking a seat in the rolling chair that sat next to Oikawa’s hospital bed, Iwaizumi sighed loudly. He waited for Oikawa to say something, but he remained silent for once.

“Oikawa. Come out from under there. We need to talk.”

Once again, Oikawa didn’t budge.

Letting another sign fly past his lips, Iwaizumi gripped the hem of the sheets and forcibly ripped them off of Oikawa. “I heard you didn’t want to see me?”

Oikawa looked down, avoiding Iwaizumi’s brown eyes.

“Talk to me. Hey, Oikawa! Look at me!” Fed up with being ignored, Iwaizumi did what anyone would do. Reaching over to Oikawa’s bed, he grabbed the boy’s face, _forcing_ Oikawa to look at him.

Iwaizumi’s eyes met two tear-struck seas of chocolate. He had no clue as to what was wrong with Oikawa, but it still pained him to see his best friend in this state.

“What’s wrong? I won’t know unless you tell me.”

Oikawa bit his lip, unsure of whether or not to tell the truth.

“Iwa-chan... Are you...” Oikawa’s eyes trailed down to the long row of stitches on Iwaizumi’s arm. He grimaced at the sight, wishing he could erase it.

“Am I what?”

“I’m sorry, Iwa-chan... I didn’t mean...” Oikawa couldn’t take his eyes off of Iwaizumi’s arm. His beautiful arm that had once been a virgin to the abuse of his father.

It wasn’t often that Oikawa apologized, but Iwaizumi could tell that there was something else hidden as well; something else he wasn’t spilling.

The very sight of Iwaizumi’s stitches sent Oikawa’s heart plummeting. His stomach churned every time he blinked; every time he had to open his eyes, the wound was still there.

“Oikawa, look at me. Look at me.” Iwaizumi’s hands remained on either of Oikawa’s cheeks. Oikawa looked back at Iwaizumi’s face as his friend had commanded.

“Oikawa I’m okay. Are you blaming yourself again?” Iwaizumi thumbed away a stray tear that had fallen down Oikawa’s cheek. “Hey,” he said gently, “Oikawa. I don’t blame you. It wasn’t your fault.”

The look on Oikawa’s face told Iwaizumi that he wasn’t convinced.

“I’m not upset at you, Oikawa. Okay? I’m still going to be your best friend.”

Oikawa let his face fall out of Iwaizumi’s grasp and readjusted himself on the small bed, scooching over just enough for another person to fit. He softly pat the empty space next to him.

“Iwa-chan... Will you lay with me?”

Iwaizumi hesitated. “I don’t know... I have to get back to my room soon. They’re gonna notice me missing sooner or later. That, and I don’t know how safe it is for me to—”

“You walked all the way over here, right? Give your feet a rest...” Oikawa made a pouty face.

_‘I was going to say the IV...’_ Thought Iwaizumi, but now that he pondered the situation more, he figured it would be better to hide that fact from Oikawa. _‘I guess the both of us are hiding one thing after another, these days...’_

“I’ll only stay for five more minutes. Got it?” Iwaizumi, with minimal help from Oikawa, painfully rose from the chair and slipped into the tiny hospital bed. It was a bit cramped, but neither of them really minded.

_‘Iwa-chan is really warm...’_ Oikawa snuggled closer to his best friend, an overwhelming feeling of ecstasy slipping through him. A smile dusted across his face.

The two of them remained in each other’s embrace, besides the brief moment Oikawa had taken to cover them with the thin, white sheets.

The pain in Iwaizumi’s feet was finally beginning numb, and his eyelids began to grow heavier and heavier as a sudden wave of drowsiness swept over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Finally some fluff! I figured things might get too depressing if there's ONLY angst, so I sprinkled some fluff there to even things out! >w< See you next week!


	15. Chapter 15

Oikawa’s eyes shot open as he felt his best friend stir beside him. The sun was beginning to set already, and much to his disbelief they’d pretty much slept the entire day without disturbance.

It appeared as though a miracle had occurred. That was, until Oikawa looked down at Iwaizumi.

The last strands of hope he barely held onto immediately slipped through his fingers.

Iwaizumi’s body convulsed, and the boy fell off of the bed and onto the floor.

“Iwa-chan! Are you okay?” Oikawa sat up, leaning over the bed. “Iwa-chan!” Thwarting off the sheets that lied on top of him, he pressed the red button sitting next to his hospital bed. “Help! Nurse! Nurse!”

A cold scream of pain left Iwaizumi’s lips as his chest rapidly rose and fell. His breathing was akin to someone in the midst of a panic attack, and all Oikawa could do was pathetically sit and watch.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa held his head in his hands, his hands running through his hair “Iwa-chan!” One of his fists slammed down on the red button again; much harder this time. “Nurse!” He pounded his fist against the button a countless number of times before he finally gave up and jumped out of bed.

He stumbled and fell of course, since his feet were even worse than Iwaizumi’s, but he ignored the stinging pain and tried to calm the screaming boy in front of him.

“Iwa-chan!” He tried calling his name again, desperately hoping that he would receive some sort of response. He grabbed Iwaizumi’s shaking hand, interlocking their fingers together.

The action did nothing, but Oikawa still held on tight.

Nurses and doctors rushed into the room, unfazed by the sight they saw before them. One of the nurses pulled Oikawa back, giving the other medical staff members easier access to Iwaizumi.

“Mr.Oikawa,” The nurse that had pulled him back spoke in a rushed, frantic manner. It sent Oikawa’s heart beating quickly. “How long has he been off of his IV? When did he come in here?”

“I-I mean, he’s been in here all day. He never said anything about an IV.” Oikawa looked over at Iwaizumi briefly before looking back at the nurse.

“Mr.Oikawa said he’s been here all day!”

“Shit,” Another one of the nurses cursed, “We need to get him stabilized! Put him on the stretcher bed and we’ll send him to your room!” She nodded at one of the doctors, who returned the gesture as he quickly picked up Iwaizumi and laid his panicked figure on the stretcher bed they’d brought with them.

Oikawa’s mouth hung open.

“I-Is he going to be okay? What’s wrong with him? I-I don’t...” Oikawa felt something inside of his chest tighten, and his breathing became more frantic and erratic. The small group of doctors and nurses flushed out of the room, except the nurse who had pulled him back.

The nurse remained cool; as if she’d been through this exact scenario before.

“Sir, you’re going to have to calm down. Listen to me. Deep breaths, okay?” Her voice reminded Oikawa of honey. He tried to follow her instruction to the best of his ability; shaky inhale, shaky exhale.

“What’s going on?” His voice sounded a little clearer, but the anxiety was all still present in his tone.

“Iwaizumi’s IV drip had been giving him stabilizing fluids since he’d lost so much blood from that stab wound in his arm. Since he hadn’t been receiving these fluids, his body...” The nurse contemplated how to explain it.

  
“His body what? Is he going to be okay? Oh god, this is all my fault...” Oikawa pulled at his hair, not caring about what happened to it for once.

“Oikawa? Deep breaths. Your friend is going to be okay.”

“H-He was screaming. He’s in pain! He’s hurting!”

“In, out. Repeat after me.” The nurse inhaled and then exhaled, her hands grabbing Oikawa’s shoulders experimentally; seeing if he was comfortable with the gesture. When Oikawa didn’t react to her touch, she squeezed them a bit firmer. “In, out. In, out.”

Oikawa’s shaky inhales didn’t compare to the practiced breaths that the nurse performed.

“Alright, Mr.Oikawa, let’s get you back into your hospital bed.” The nurse helped Oikawa stand, letting him lean his weight on her in order to prevent Oikawa’s foot pain as much as possible. Propping up the pillows, the nurse laid Oikawa back so that he was still sitting up a little bit. She noticed how Oikawa’s fists were clenching the sheets tightly, his thoughts obviously elsewhere.

“Stay here, alright Mr.Oikawa? I’ll check on Iwaizumi and tell you how he is.”

His grip loosened a little. _Just a little._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A N G S T ! I hope Iwa-chan will be okay! :) Of course I already know if he will be or not but it's fun to pretend like I don't know what's going on for you guys' sake X3 Anyways! Next week is going to have a double update, since chapter 16 is incredibly short! 
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for reading and I'll see you next week!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter is obviously incredibly short! That's why, as I mentioned last week, there will be a double update! Hooray!

“How is he?” 

“Heart rate is increasing significantly. Hand me that.” 

“We got the IV fluids running through his system but he isn’t stabilizing.”

“Shit, okay. Okay. We might have to put him under for a few days.” 

“Is it that serious?” 

“Yes. Our methods aren’t working very well. His brain is spazzing out, you could say. I know we haven’t confirmed any major brain malfunctions but we’ll put him under just to be safe.” 

“Grab the anesthesiologist! We need to get him under before we run any major tests!” 

“Yes, Doctor!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iwa-chan!!! :0


	17. Chapter 17

Oikawa’s eyes abruptly opened, a cold sweat drenching his forehead. This had been the third night in a row where he’d abruptly woken up before 6:00. Unable to go back to sleep, Oikawa stared at the ceiling of his room in a wave of silent exhaustion. 

Every morning around 8:00, the nurse would bring him breakfast. He noticed that lately the portions getting a little smaller. It probably had to do with the fact that he could barely finish his food anymore. 

You could say that, in a sense, Oikawa was worrying himself  _ sick.  _

Before he knew it, the dreadful hour of eight had arrived, and Oikawa internally sighed at the sound of the nurse’s breakfast cart rolling through the halls. 

“Good morning, Mr.Oikawa.” The nurse was happier than ever as she brought the bedside cart next to Oikawa’s hospital bed. “How are you feeling today?” 

Just as he did every morning with the hospital staff, Oikawa faked a smile. 

“I’m doing good, Saeko-chan!” 

Nurse Saeko handed him his breakfast and Oikawa took a few bites before handing the plate back. 

“Full already?” 

“Yeah,” Oikawa lied, forcing his eyes to meet hers. “The new medication I’m on makes me feel sick when I eat too much.” 

The nurse giggled, “Alrighty then. If you say so.” Oikawa was glad that she didn’t catch on. Now all he had to do was wait for the nurse to leave so that the silence could cloak him completely. However, her attempts at conversation were seemingly endless. Oikawa was practically ignoring her; nodding and agreeing as if he knew what she was going on about, his mind obviously elsewhere. 

That was, until the nurse said, “Oh, right. Mr.Oikawa. I was told to inform you that your mother will be discharged soon!” Lightly clapping her hands, she waited for Oikawa’s response. 

“I was so worried about her,” Oikawa ran a hand through his hair, “I’m glad she’s going to be okay...”  _ At least it’s one less thing he had to stress about.  _

Excusing herself to get back to her job, the nurse wheeled the cart out and left Oikawa alone. 

_ ‘Iwa-chan...’ _

No matter what Oikawa did, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget the horrid look on Iwaizumi’s face. He couldn’t forget how his teeth were clenched in pain, nor could he forget how his eyes were squeezed shut as he thrashed around on the tile. But most of all, he couldn’t forget how cold Iwaizumi’s hand felt when he interlocked their fingers. 

_ ‘Iwa-chan... Why is it that every time I think of you...’  _ Oikawa placed a hand over his heart,  _ ‘my heart pounds so fast?’  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there love in the air? Or is it the sweet smell of death? Either way, I hope you liked this double update and I will see you all next week~! Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

Oikawa’s body healed fast, and before he knew it, he was able to walk. It would still be a while before he could play volleyball again, as the doctor had told him, but luckily the wait wouldn’t be more than a few extra weeks.

“Congratulations Mr.Oikawa! You’re finally getting discharged today!” Nurse Saeko smiled widely as she perused the clipboard in her hands, “We’ll have to go over your hospital expenses with your mother, but you won’t have to worry about any of that.”

Oikawa bit his lip, and although he tried to act happy about his release, he couldn’t help but feel guilty that he was being released earlier than his best friend.

“What about Iwaizumi?”

Saeko’s practiced smile remained firm on her face. “You talk about Iwaizumi a lot.” Oikawa nodded, “How is he?”

“Oh, he’s doing well.” She chuckled, “You ask us everyday how he is. You two must be best friends...” Her eyes darted back down to her clipboard, scanning it over one more time before looking back up at Oikawa. “Anyways, let’s get you out of here.”

“Thank you for everything, Saeko...” Oikawa stood up from his hospital bed after Saeko removed his IV. “I’m going to go visit Iwaizumi’s room.”

“Oh, but you probably want something fresh to wear, don’t you? Your mother was kind enough to bring you some clothes this morning. We told her you were being released today, so she stopped by on the way to work.” Saeko grabbed a grocery bag from the bottom of her nurse’s cart and handed it to Oikawa. “I’ll step out so that you can change. Please come to the front desk after you’re done visiting.”

Oikawa nodded, and the nurse left him alone. He palmed through the bag before dumping the contents onto the bed. A teal shirt and a gray pair of sweatpants became unfolded as they fell from the bag. A pair of shoes and socks also fell.

After he had thrown on the provided clothes, he immediately rushed (as quickly as he could, considering he just finished recovering) out of the room. Nurse Saeko had previously told him which direction Iwaizumi’s room had been, so he already knew where to go.

Rather than knocking on the door, he swung it wide open. He didn’t even bother to slide the door shut behind him.

“Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi looked up from his hospital bed, smiling when he saw Oikawa rushing towards him.

“Oi, Oikawa. You’re getting released today right?”

Oikawa nodded, his smile shrinking. “Y-Yeah...”

Iwaizumi tilted his head. “What’s the matter? You should be happy that you’re getting discharged. This hospital food isn’t the best anyways. I’d kill for some agedashi tofu right now.”

Fluster bubbled up in the back of Oikawa’s throat, stealing away all of his words. He didn’t know why he couldn’t speak. Was it the way Iwaizumi was looking at him? His eyes sparkling, smile shining brighter than the sun? Oikawa could feel his heart pounding. He didn’t want to go back home without Iwaizumi. It wouldn’t _be_ home without Iwaizumi.

“They said I’ll probably be released in a week, if nothing goes wrong.” Iwaizumi paused, scratching the back of his head, “I probably scared you back there. Back when I collapsed...”

Oikawa knew that the word _collapsed_ was an understatement, but he didn’t say so.

Iwaizumi continued. “Sorry about that. You must have been worried. It was my fault for being stupid, you know?”

A curt little nod was all he received in response.

“Oikawa, is something bothering you again? I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall, which would be the case if I was having a conversation with Ushijima. But I’m talking to _you._ What’s up?”

Oikawa let a nervous chuckle sputter past his lips, his eyes glued to Iwaizumi’s face. How could he look away? All of a sudden, left and right, Oikawa’s brain began sticking Iwaizumi to various adjectives. Iwaizumi became _hot. Beautiful. Pretty. Smart._ Wait, wasn’t he always? Where were all of these words coming from out of the blue? How did they all fit so perfectly?

While Oikawa’s brain slowly fried, he could feel the heat radiating off of his face.

“Iwa-chan... You’re my best friend...” Words were falling out of his mouth before he could catch them; before he even realized what he was saying. “I haven’t seen you since before you collapsed, but ever since then... I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and—”

“I get it, Oikawa. I missed you too.” Iwaizumi turned his head to look out the window, “I can’t wait to get out of here. How long until you can play?”

When the questioned Oikawa didn’t answer, Iwaizumi turned his head to see Oikawa’s face bearing an unreadable expression. Was it confusion? Before Iwaizumi could open his mouth to speak, he noticed Oikawa starting to lean forward.

Iwaizumi kept quiet, his curiosity and anxiousness both making his cheeks glow. Before he knew it, Oikawa’s lips were pressed to his.

_‘Soft and warm...’_ Iwaizumi had never imagined that this was what Oikawa’s lips felt like.

Oikawa quickly pulled back—practically as soon as his lips touched Iwaizumi’s—and forced himself to look at Iwa-chan.

Iwaizumi’s fingers absentmindedly traveled up to his lips, dusting over where Oikawa’s lips had touched.

  
“Iwa-chan, I...” What should Oikawa say? His brain flooded with endless possibilities, some better than others.

A short but awkward silence took over the room for the next few moments as the two boys were absorbed in their thoughts. That was, until Iwaizumi finally spoke.

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi paused, his hand traveling from his lips up to his cheeks, which felt hotter than before. “This... It’s a lot right now... I mean...” Iwaizumi fumbled over his words, “I just don’t... I’d have to put some more thought into this.”

_‘So he doesn’t...’_ Thought Oikawa, his hands balling into fists. “It’s alright, Iwa-chan.” He stood, “I’ll get going now. I’m going home to see my mother.”

“Alright, tell her I said hello.”

“Okay.” He stepped out of the room.

If any specs of hope had regained their flame, they were now completely extinguished and withered to a crisp. His lifelong friendship with Iwaizumi was definitely ruined—he’d seen it enough around him to know that it was true. He made his way to the elevator and descended to the first floor before walking over to the front desk.

Since he wasn’t the one covering the hospital expenses, he only had to sign a few papers before he was free to go.

Oikawa took the subway back to the area where he lived and gloomily walked the 15 minutes back to his house.

“Tooru! You’re finally home.” His mother’s voice was finally starting to sound happy again, even if the woman herself didn’t realize it. She walked into the room as her son left his shoes by the door.

The two of them embraced each other in a huge hug.

“Tooru, I’m sorry...”  
Oikawa shook his head, letting go of his mother to look her in the eye, “It’s okay, Mom. I forgive you.” He was glad that his mother was finally okay. He flashed her a forced smile before practically falling onto the couch.

“Comfortable, huh?” Oikawa’s mother sat next to him. “You’ve been stuck in that hospital bed for so long.”

“Well, so were you...”

“Tooru, is everything alright? You don’t seem like yourself.”

_‘Leave it to my mom to be the first one to notice...’_ Oikawa shrugged, looking down at his shoes. He could feel his face heating up again, and before he knew it, there were hot tears running down his face.

“Tooru, sweetie. Look at me.”

Oikawa forced himself to look up at his mother. “Mom... I...”

His mother stayed silent, patiently waiting for him to continue.

“I like Iwa-chan! And now we can’t be friends anymore because I kissed him and I messed up! And now Iwa-chan and I are going to be awkward even though we’re best friends and I...” Oikawa was interrupted as a sob escaped from his mouth, “Mom... I don’t want to lose Iwa-chan...” He bit his lip, trying horribly to suppress another sob. “If I was a girl, would Iwa-chan like me?”

Oikawa’s mother pulled her son closer, wrapping her arms around him in a warm hug. “Don’t say that, dear. You are perfect just the way you are. I can’t tell you how Hajime feels about you, but if you want your friendship to last, you need to face this head on. You’re strong, Tooru. You and Hajime both.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa's mom :') Shoutout to Ms.Oikawa~ KJGDLSGHF ALSO HOORAY FOR THINGS BEING CANON FINALLY....Maybe....Probably..... ;) See you next week~! owo


	19. Chapter 19

Oikawa Tooru rolled out of bed at the late hour of 11:00 AM. How long had it been since he slept in? He relished the feeling of laying in his own bed, not having to go to school—doctor’s orders. It wasn’t as if he hated the place, but school just seemed a bit much at the moment. If anything, he wanted to play volleyball. 

“Tooru,” Oikawa heard a light knock on the door before his mother came in. Her purse was slung over her shoulder, “I’m going to group therapy. My doctor suggested it. I’ll be back around 2:00.” She gave her son a sympathetic smile, “Everything will work out, okay?” 

Oikawa nodded, giving his mother a quick hug before she waved goodbye and left the house. He was glad his mother was taking a step in the right direction. 

A loud yawn left his lips as he slid on a gray pair of slippers, wandering into the kitchen for some brunch. After perusing through the fridge, pantry, freezer, he decided on milk bread. His mother had been kind enough to buy him a loaf the day after he’d returned home. 

He bit into the soft slice, his mouth relishing the flavor of his favorite food. 

“So Iwa-chan’s coming home today, huh...” Within the last week, he hadn’t visited Iwaizumi once. Nor had he called, texted, or engaged in his usual antics involving his best friend. 

Oikawa wasn’t even sure if they  _ were  _ still best friends. Did Iwa-chan still consider him one? As much as he’d wanted to visit him; to confirm the rejection face to face, something had always stopped him from walking through those automatic glass doors. What was it?

A sudden knock on the door pulled him away from his thoughts. Popping the last bite of the milk bread into his mouth, Oikawa walked over to the door and looked through the peephole.  Iwaizumi stood on the porch, his fist knocking against the wood of Oikawa’s door. His other hand rubbed the back of his head, and he kept himself busy by looking down at the potted plants that sat on Oikawa’s doorstep. 

Oikawa stepped back as Iwaizumi knocked on the door again. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. He should open the door, right? He should tell his  _ best friend  _ how much he missed him, right? As his thoughts jumbled around in his head, he debated on whether he should open the door or not. He knew the answer  _ should  _ be yes, but what would happen then? His fear of rejection kept him from grabbing the doorknob. 

The words of his mother played back through his head. 

_ ‘...I can’t tell you how Hajime feels about you, but if you want your friendship to last, you need to face this head on. You’re strong, Tooru. You and Hajime both.’ _

Oikawa took a deep breath, stepping back over to the door. With one swift motion, he swung it open. 

“Iwa-chan, I—” 

Nobody stood in the doorway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OIKAWAAAAAAAAAA YOU WERE TOOOO LAAAAAATE!!!!!! Also I apologize for this chapter being a bit short XD Had to have that cliffhanger! Next week's chapter should be quite a bit longer~ 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this week's update! See you next Wednesday~!


	20. Chapter 20

Throughout many times in the past week, Oikawa found himself so exhausted by the end of the day that sleep naturally pulled him into its clutches as early as 9:00. But now, staring out his window at the sea of stars, he’d already given up trying to sleep for the night. The events of the seemingly, borderline  _ normal  _ day were still wide awake in his mind. There shouldn’t have been a problem, but no matter how heavy his eyelids got or how many times he yawned, his body wouldn’t allow him to rest.

The digital clock on his nightstand beeped once as the time changed from 11:59 PM to 12:00 AM—the time of night when the stars shined the brightest. Biting his lip, Oikawa tore his eyes away from the sky and looked back at his door. 

A sudden feeling of nostalgia panged at his gut, and his mind flooded with countless memories of when he would sneak out to see the stars. Following in his younger self’s footsteps, he tiptoed across his wooden floors and left his bedroom, making sure to quietly close the door behind him. His feet led him through the hallway, around the corner, into the living room, across the carpet, and to the front door.   
His hand hesitated over the handle as he looked back at his mother, who had fallen asleep on the couch. The TV was still on, playing a random commercial for the newest brand of color shampoo. The remote lay abandoned on the floor. 

Guessing the small contraption had probably fallen off of the couch after his mother had fallen asleep, he retrieved the item and shut off the TV, showering the room in complete darkness. He made his way back over to the door, the only noise being the occasional snore that left his mother’s lips. 

_ Click.  _

He turned his head back to look at his mother as he slowly unlocked and opened the front door. His mother stayed fast asleep, luckily, though he remembered an incident where he’d been too reckless. 

Almost chuckling at the vague memory, he quickly grabbed his shoes and slipped out of the house, shutting the door mutely behind him. 

Free from the fear of waking up his mother, he let the compressed snicker loose. He’d been so stupid that time, too. Roaming around in the pitch black darkness, he’d accidentally bumped into his mother’s vase, the ornament shattering on impact with the floor. He’d gotten into so much trouble that time, too. 

Pulling himself away from the childhood memories swirling around in his mind, he looked up at the stars once again. A slight breeze blew through the air, making Oikawa shiver a little in his alien pajamas. 

His gaze wandered from the bright array of infinite constellations to the houses down the road. Before he could even think about what he was doing, his feet carried him down the street, five houses down to the familiar one story house on the left. 

Oikawa walked to the side of the house, the street lamp providing just enough dim light for him to make out the window on the side of the house. The grass on the front lawn definitely needed a trim—one probably couldn’t tell just by looking, but by actually wading your feet through it. 

Gently grabbing the bottom hem of the window, Oikawa tested the structure to see if it was unlocked, which, fortunately for him, it was. The window pushed open with ease, and Oikawa had little difficulty hoisting himself through. He landed softly on the carpet, and closed the window behind him. 

The only thing illuminating Iwaizumi’s bedroom was the light of the full moon, and Oikawa couldn’t help but remember all of the times he’d come in through Iwa-chan’s window after he wasn’t able to sleep. 

He walked over to Iwaizumi’s bed, Iwa-chan sleeping soundly on the plush mattress. His comforter only covered a third of him—Iwaizumi always tossed and turned in his sleep. Sliding off his shoes and placing them neatly next to the dresser, Oikawa climbed into bed with Iwa-chan, snuggling close to him. 

“Ugh...” 

Oikawa tensed as he heard Iwaizumi groan, and his eyes widened as Iwaizumi’s opened. Iwaizumi blinked, his eyes adjusting to the looming darkness. 

“Shittykawa?” He squinted at him, “What are you doing here?” 

“I... I always used to do this, remember?” Oikawa avoided looking him in the eyes. 

“But that was when we were kids... Oh, whatever. You couldn’t sleep?” 

Oikawa shook his head, his eyes still trained on anything other than Iwaizumi. He didn’t want to know what his face looked like. Was it annoyed? Angry?

“Iwa-chan... About what happened in the hospital... Look. I know you don’t feel the same, but...” Oikawa held Iwaizumi a bit closer to him. “Please, just let me hold you like this one last time...” 

A drop of warmth splashed in Oikawa’s chest as Iwaizumi, surprisingly, stayed silent. He was expecting the latter to push him away and reject him up front. That was just the type of person Iwaizumi was, after all—blunt  _ and  _ demanding. But Oikawa loved those qualities too. They were both a part of what made Iwaizumi Hajime his  _ Iwa-chan _ . 

Time faded away, and although Iwaizumi made no moves to return Oikawa’s cuddle, Oikawa wished that the moment could last forever. 

Most happy things we get in life, however, are typically short-lived. 

“You always jump to conclusions, Trashykawa.” 

Oikawa could feel the warmth of the moment start to seep out between his fingers. What was Iwa-chan talking about? Did he miss something? A feeling of weakness conquered his chest, replacing the heat that had once been there. 

“Huh?” was the only word that left Oikawa’s mouth. 

“I never rejected you, did I?” 

Oikawa’s heart stopped dead in his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie! We're already at chapter 20! Time flies by so fast XD Anyways! IWA CHAAAAAAAAN DID A THING! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! owo See you guys next week!


	21. Chapter 21

Oikawa looked up at Iwaizumi’s face, his features visible from the moonlight shining through the window. 

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi’s eyes flicked down, examining some of the bruises and light scratches that had yet to heal on the latter boy’s arms. The rest, he assumed, were hidden underneath his shirt. He reached out to graze his fingers over the wounds. This new, affectionate side of him would be a new sight to Oikawa, as well as himself in all honesty. His fingers dusted down the side of Oikawa’s arm before they trailed back up to cup the boy’s cheek. “I want this to work as much as you do.” He could see Oikawa’s eyes glistening with unshed tears. 

As much as hope can be lost; perhaps it can resurface, perhaps it can show its face from the murky waters to which it sank. The warm glow reappeared in the pit of Oikawa’s chest; a sign that his heart had started beating again; a sign that warm blood was flowing through his veins, ecstasy seizing him for the first time in what felt like forever. If this was a dream, he wished it could be eternal, never ending. Warmth radiated off of Iwaizumi’s body, and Oikawa buried his face into his shirt. How long had he been craving this feeling?  

Sure, Oikawa had definitely cuddled with Iwa-chan back at the hospital—Iwaizumi’s warm body pressed up against him underneath the thin sheets of the tiny hospital bed. It hadn’t been the most comfortable, especially since the two of them both had wounds left to heal. There was  _ also _ the part where Iwaizumi had collapsed, his sudden screams of pain and suffering ruining the warm moment entirely. 

Yeah, this was much better than that. 

“Oikawa.”

“Hmmm...” Oikawa inhaled the scent of Iwaizumi’s shirt, taking in his masculine aroma. He smelled so good that Oikawa had nearly forgotten that Iwa-chan had said his name. 

Iwaizumi didn’t answer, and Oikawa had half the mind to pull away and look up at him. But Oikawa found himself savoring the delicious taste of Iwa-chan’s cuddles  _ far  _ too much to do that.

“My mom... After I returned from the hospital, she told me that she had gotten a promotion at work.”

“Oh, congratulations.” Oikawa’s love for Iwa-chan’s scent— _ How did he not realize how good Iwa-chan smelled before? _ —was probably expanding to an unhealthy level, but he didn’t care.

Iwaizumi paused once again, his hand hesitating to embrace Oikawa further. Should he tell him? Was this how Oikawa felt back then? Pity almost embodied him—an emotion he’d rarely ever felt towards the cinnamon-haired captain. Knowing just how much Oikawa had gone through, he knew that getting hurt any more would be detrimental. How much more could Oikawa go through before he snapped? 

_ ‘What am I thinking? I never hold back my feelings with this idiot!’  _ Iwaizumi thought.  _ ‘I need to be straightforward, like I always am. Oikawa isn’t as fragile as people make him out to be.’  _

“The promotion,” Looking down at the soft brunette pressed against his center, he bit his lip, “it’s in Fukuoka. We’ll be moving out on the seventeenth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHApter HURTS ME FGJKGNFDKJGNJFKDSGJKD owo Hope you enjoyed! See you next week!


	22. Chapter 22

“Alright! This is officially the official, unofficial team bonding experience!” Hopping up onto the wooden bench, the Fukurodani captain received quite a few stares from random passers, though their wary eyes were ignored by Bokuto’s enthusiasm. Smiling down at the group who’d been able to come to the amusement park, he raised a fist into the air. “I’m so pumped!” He jumped down from the bench before running up to his favorite setter. “Akaashi! How are the teams going to be divided up?”

The raven-haired setter tilted his head, shrugging off a few glances that were pointed his direction (he was used to the unwanted attention; for some reason a lot of girls ~~along with the occasional guy~~ thought he was pretty?).

“Teams? Are we not all going to go together?”

Bokuto shook his head, “Of course not, Akaashi! We’re going to split up!” Spinning around to face the other volleyball players who were nice enough to join him, he clutched onto Akaashi’s arm.

“Akaashi is _my_ best friend, so I’m going to be _his_ partner!” His smile seemed genuine enough for everyone to believe that his words weren’t of malicious intent.

Raising an eyebrow, a certain middle blocker raised his hand. “Why are we here again? I believe this is abuse of personal interest.”

“Don’t say that Tsukki!”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Anyways!” Bokuto drawled out the vowel sounds in a song-like tone before continuing, “We’re _here_ because it’s the sixteenth!”

“And?”

Bokuto huffed, stomping over to the salty fry. “Hajime is leaving tomorrow! That’s why we invited all of the teams here! It’s a _surprise_ goodbye party!” He slapped his hand down on Tsukishima’s shoulder, “Why else would Nekoma _and_ Fukurodani come down to Miyagi?” Brushing off any potential response with a Hearty Bokuto Laugh, the captain proceeded to unshoulder his bag and toss it to Akaashi.

Amidst the group’s bantering and Bokuto’s loud volume, no one seemed to catch the _“There will be lots of surprises waiting for him at Shiratorizawa,”_ that slipped out of Ushijima’s mouth.

“We’ve got a pretty big crowd here,” Eyeing the mass crowd of volleyball players, Akaashi looked from the group back to Bokuto, “How did you convince this many people?”

Bokuto gave Akaashi a smile of pure pride, pointing at himself with his thumb.

“It was easy! It’s because I’m super good at persuasion!”

“Um, actually,” Heads turned towards the large Karasuno ace, “I was told that there was some kind of training...?” Asahi looked down at Nishinoya, the small libero’s attention perking, “Nishinoya, did your invitation say the same thing?”

“Mine said, _‘Come to the Miyagi Amusement Park at 10:00 if you’re the strongest!’_ Of course I couldn’t refuse the offer!” Avoiding some of the questioning glances coming from his teammates, he puffed out his chest at Tanaka. “Yours said the same thing, right?”

“Yeah! Of course I can’t ignore something like that!” Clasping hands with Nishinoya, the two of them suddenly became immersed in their own fantasies.

“We’ll be the strongest together,” Nishinoya inhaled, “And we’ll show Kiyoko who’s best suited for her!” The two of them gave off some sort of battle cry.

“My invitation didn’t say anything at all. It just gave a time and place.” Tsukishima gestured at Yamaguchi, “The only reason I’m here is because Yamaguchi wanted to come.”

“Ah! Tsukki! We didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to! We can still go back! It’s not too late!”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

“My invitation said that Oikawa would come to Shiratorizawa if I came here.” Ushijima stated blandly, Tendou snickering behind him.

Nearby the entrance of the theme park, a city bus halted at the bus stop, it’s doors opening with a _hiss._

“It’s time, it’s time! Akaashi, hide!”

“We can’t hide sixteen people in plain sight, Bokuto-san.”

Spinning around on his heels, Bokuto dove underneath the wooden bench he’d previously stood on. Akaashi, of course, could still see him, but he decided to let Bokuto do as he pleased.

In the distance, Oikawa and Iwaizumi went about their typical playful banter, completely submerged in their conversation and (somehow) unaware of the large group of volleyball players huddled amongst each other.

“Akaashi,” Bokuto whispered, his hands covering his face. The spiky haired captain peeked through his fingers, “Are they here? How far away?”

Akaashi looked over at Iwaizumi and Oikawa, who were still a ways away from them, and although their conversation couldn’t be heard from where the group was standing, a few blinked eyes at Oikawa, who leaned in and pecked Iwaizumi on the cheek.

“Huh?! The great king is dating Iwaizumi!” Hinata shouted, pointing at the two of distant volleyballers. “They just kissed!”  
Not a second more passed before the group erupted into chaos.

  
“Dating? Kissing?” Bokuto rolled out from underneath the bench, “No way! Iwaizumi would never settle for someone like Oikawa!”

“We can’t say that for sure, Bokuto-san.”

“Is someone recording this? Someone please tell me they’re taking pictures!”

“I’m snapchatting everyone right now!”

“Wait, but if Iwaizumi is leaving tomorrow... There’s no way that it could work out...” Kenma muttered, flicking through his Instagram feed with a bored expression. The splotched conversation awkwardly drew to a close as Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s squabbling ceased.

“Huh? Why are you all...” Iwaizumi was too dumbfounded to find the words to finish his sentence. His mouth hung open blankly as he glanced at the shaken Oikawa next to him.

“Surprise!” The word awkwardly fluttered around the group; some members like Bokuto and Nishinoya screaming loudly, while others like Asahi and Kenma only mustering up a quiet mutter. Overall, they were out of sync and gawky and strained, but the look on Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s face could only mean they were moved beyond belief.

“What is all this?” Iwaizumi finally found his words, his eyes scanning through the group.

“It’s a surprise party! Because you’re leaving tomorrow!” Bokuto sprang back up to his feet, his excitement peaking as he eagerly pointed towards the entrance to the park. “Let’s go, Akaashi! Let’s go!”

“Please calm down, Bokuto-san.”

The large group finally started making their way towards the ticket booth, and Iwaizumi could already see the receptionist smiling nervously.

“H-How many...?” Flicking her blue eyes down to her computer screen and back up, she tried to count how many large, intimidating boys were standing in front of her.

“Eighteen of us total. We need eighteen tickets.” Tsukishima spoke up, leaving most of the group wondering if he said it because of sympathy or because he was tired of standing in one place. Maybe both.

The petite girl behind the counter pressed a few buttons behind the counter, her eyes glancing up nervously as the group of boys waited; some more impatient than others.

“Ah... Um... This isn’t...” She squeaked quietly, most likely to herself.

“Move.” From behind, a taller, cooler looking woman lightly pushed her aside, popping a bubble with her gum as she effortlessly tapped away on the screen.

The eighteen tickets printed shortly after. Her face remained uncaring as she slid the tickets across the counter.

“Enjoy your day.” Her voice was bland and emotionless as she turned to lecture the younger girl standing under her, her face becoming hidden as a clump of bleached hair fell over her ears.

“Yeah.” It was almost hilarious how much Tsukishima’s tone matched the woman’s, and the tickets were quickly distributed amongst the group before they finally passed through the main gates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I'm writing everyone in character! Also I'm glad I finally got to add everyone into the story! Hope you enjoyed~! See you next week for some more Bokuto antics XD


	23. Chapter 23

“Alright, is everyone in their groups? Let’s go then!” Bokuto grabbed Akaashi’s wrist before sprinting towards the direction of the nearest roller coaster. Hinata and Kuroo followed behind them.

“Ah... Um... Wait...”

Kuroo spun around at the familiar voice, both Bokuto and Akaashi stopping in the distance. Hinata looked back as well, raising his eyebrows at the blonde setter.

Twirling a strand of blonde hair within the tips of his fingers, Kenma shuffled uncomfortably.

“Actually” he started, “can I go with your group?”

Kuroo immediately nodded before either Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, or Kageyama, his original group members, could interject.

Seeing that Hinata was also in his group, Kenma flashed a rare smile, his shoulders slightly relaxing as both him, Kuroo, and the small orange ball of sunshine walked over to Bokuto and Akaashi.

Yamaguchi pointed at a few rides in the distance before his group came to a consensus and started heading towards the ferris wheel.

Nishinoya, on the other hand, ecstatically dragged Asahi in the direction of the tallest roller coaster in sight, much to the taller boy’s dismay.

Tanaka practically jumped with joy as he grabbed Yachi’s hands and howled in victory. Makki and Mattsun stood close by, unfazed by his antics.

The only ones left were Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Ushijima, and Tendou.

Oikawa clicked his tongue, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared daggers at Ushijima, “If you even _think_ about saying it, I’m taking Iwa-chan and leaving this group.”

Ushijima tilted his head. “What?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Tendou bounced up and down excitedly, “Ushiwaka, let’s go on that one!” He pointed a long finger out at _The Screamer._ “It looks like it can suck a man’s soul right out of his chest!” Bringing a hand to his heart, he smirked. “My heart’s pounding already!”

Oikawa looked up at _The Screamer,_ the drop akin to a plain vertical line.

“Your face looks pale.” Ushijima noted, to which Iwaizumi smirked.

“He’s probably just scared. C’mon!” Looping his arm around Oikawa’s, he sadistically grinned up at the towering beast.

The entrance to the roller coaster stood before them as if it was the gate to Hell itself. Oikawa chuckled nervously as an eruption of screams exploded from the rollercoaster carts, which plummeted down the tall drop.

Iwaizumi’s sadistic grin didn’t falter as his grip on Oikawa tightened, though as they walked through the entryway, his hands clapped over his back pockets. He slid out his phone, taking a few cautious steps back before putting the device up to his ear.

“Hmm?” Ushijima and Tendou stepped back, clearing up the entryway.

Oikawa did so as well, preferring to stand closer to Iwa-chan than the latter two. He noticed Iwaizumi’s expression; How it tensed up, a single bead of sweat trickling down his forehead. He immediately wiped it away with the back of his hand, hanging up the phone and sliding it into his pocket.

Iwaizumi sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I have to go. Sorry, I can’t stay here any longer.” His words were quick and concise, as if he had already planned out what he was going to say prior to opening his mouth.

“Iwa-chan, you’re bailing us? It’s _your_ surprise party! We’re all here to say goodbye to _you_. This is the last chance we’ll get to hang out!” Eyes squinting critically, Oikawa scanned Iwaizumi for any change in expression.

“I know, I know, I just...” Iwaizumi sighed hastily, his hands refusing to stay in one place as they shook, traveling from his hair to cupping his cheeks before finally settling in the air. “I have to go!” He quickly turned towards the direction of the park entrance, though before he could dash away, he felt a hand grab his bicep.

Iwaizumi looked over his shoulder.

“Iwa-chan, you’re leaving tomorrow!”

“Oikawa, I have to go. This is more important than—”

“Than what? Than us? Than _me?_ ”

“Oikawa, please. Don’t get like this now. I’m leaving!”

“Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi ignored the calls of Oikawa, quickening his pace as he sprinted towards the front of the park.

Oikawa clenched his fists at his side as he spun away from Iwaizumi’s direction.

“Ooh, well this is most certainly an awkward situation.” Tendou wiggled his fingers, “How exciting...” He muttered the last part under his breath, but the restlessness was still present.

Ushijima stepped forward, “Important matters can sometimes intervene with—“

“Shut up, Ushijima! Just shut up...” Oikawa kept his gaze plastered on the ground, refusing to meet Ushijma’s eyes.

Ushijima said nothing, and within the next few moments Oikawa finally looked up for the sole purpose of checking to see if he was still _standing there._

Tendou, surprisingly, hadn’t made another peep since his first remark, and if Ushijima had actually been _hurt_ by Oikawa’s words, his face certainly didn’t show it. Perhaps the two of them were shocked into a bitter silence.

“It’s your business. I won’t interfere.” Ushijima’s words were monotonous as he disappeared through the rollercoaster gate.

“Ah! Ushiwaka! Wait for me!” Tendou blinked, running after the larger captain.

Oikawa stood still, his heart still pounding.

_‘The mood is ruined. I’m just going to go home.’_

Turning towards the park entrance, Oikawa shoved his hands into his pockets, bitterly staring into space as his thoughts continued to boil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O I K A W A N O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O also IWA CHAAAAAN AAAAAH jk I know everything >;) See you next week!


	24. Chapter 24

A bitter silence. 

Iwaizumi barged into his house to see two large suitcases hastily packed. 

The entire house held an eerie quietness as Iwaizumi abandoned his shoes at the doorway. 

“Mom... Where are you?” 

An echoed call rung out from the back of the house; Most of the furniture had been moved out already, leaving the rooms bare. 

Iwaizumi followed her voice, finally meeting her in her room. 

His mother was quickly folding the last few shirts laid out on her bed, stuffing them into a third large suitcase that was practically already overflowing with clothes. 

“Hajime! There you are!” His mother yanked on the suitcase zipper, closing it as best as she could before hauling it off the bed. “We have to go!”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, walking closer to his mother and placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“There’s no rush, mom. Our official move out date is tomorrow.” 

His mother merely shook her head, “Hajime, I appreciate your concern. But we need to leave  _ now _ . I’ll explain things later. We’ll be packing our stuff into the car and driving down to Fukuoka instead of taking the train. It will be safer that way.” 

Iwaizumi could feel a cold chill run down his spine as his mother swept past him, suitcase dragging behind her. 

_ ‘Safer? What does she mean it will be safer? Taking the train is safer than the car...’  _ Iwaizumi followed his mother outside without protest, dragging the last two suitcases behind him. 

“Where’s dad? Is he going to meet us there?” Iwaizumi lifted the two giant suitcases and placed them in the trunk of the car, while his mother set the last one in the back seat. 

“We’re picking him up from work right now. I already let him know.” 

Iwaizumi promptly slid into the back of the car, his mother taking the driver’s seat. Before Iwaizumi could even buckle his seatbelt, his mother had rapidly backed out of the driveway and was speeding down the road. 

“Hey, slow down! You’re going past the speed limit!” Iwaizumi clicked his seatbelt into place, nearly falling over as his mother curved a sharp turn. “Agh!” 

His mother simply ignored the comment, her speed pushing 90 as she merged onto the highway. 

“I know, I know...” Iwaizumi’s mother muttered something to herself before quickly glancing behind her shoulder. She cut in front of another car as she drove into the next lane over, the offended car offering up a honk. “Sweetie, I’m sorry I had to cut your hang out time with Tooru short.” 

“It’s... It’s okay.” Was it? Iwaizumi thought back to his argument with Oikawa. He remembered how angry Oikawa had looked. 

_ ‘I’m sure everything will be okay once I explain things...’  _ Sliding his phone out of his pocket, Iwaizumi checked it for any new notifications. 

None were from Oikawa. 

Iwaizumi’s mother slowed down a bit as she took the next exit, making a few more sharp turns before finally breaking to a stop. 

Iwaizumi peered out the window at the large office building they were now parked in front of. “Oh yeah, mom, I have some, uh... Some news. Oikawa and I—”

“There’s your father!” She rolled down the window, sticking a hand out and waving 

towards a man clad in a dark business suit. “Over here! We have to hurry!”

Having understood the context of what she meant, he hurried over to the car and got into the front passenger seat. 

Iwaizumi’s parents quietly talked amongst themselves, completely disregarding the fact that Iwaizumi had even spoke. 

Looking back out the window, Iwaizumi let a quiet sigh fly past his lips. The scenery flew past him in blurred fragments, trees merging together with the sky. 

“What were you saying, sweetie?” Iwaizumi’s mother kept her eyes on the road as she tried to speak up above the sounds of the nearby cars. 

Iwaizumi shook his head. “It’s...” He hesitated. “It’s nothing. Nevermind.” He looked back down at his phone to see if Oikawa had gotten over his anger. 

_ ‘Apparently he hasn’t.’  _ Iwaizumi ran a hand through his hair, deciding to rest an elbow on his thigh.  _ ‘Dumbass. I’d explain to you what was going on if I knew...’  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang in there, Iwa-chan!! Also happy Thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates it! It's tomorrow for me, can't wait! See you guys next week!


	25. Chapter 25

Sixteen hours. The entire drive was sixteen hours long. Iwaizumi’s parents had switched back and forth for the entire drive, refusing to rest throughout the night.

Iwaizumi’s family arrived at his new house in Fukuoka at the late hour of 2:34 AM.

Almost too exhausted to even crawl out of the car, Iwaizumi’s mother reached over the passenger seat to shake Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

“Hajime... We’re here...” She yawned halfway through her sentence as Iwaizumi slowly opened his eyes.

Trudging into his new house, it didn’t take very long for him to find his room. Walking around a few unpacked boxes speckled around his room, he collapsed onto his mattress and passed out, sleep immediately taking him away.

Morning came almost too quickly.

“I believe your father and I owe you an explanation.” Iwaizumi’s mother glanced nervously across the dining table at her husband.

Taking a sip of coffee from the large mug in his hand, Iwaizumi’s father peered over his newspaper at Iwaizumi.

The sun shined brightly through the windows as Iwaizumi sat down between his parents. Iwaizumi glanced around the kitchen to see a few boxes scattered across the countertops, some of them opened and their contents just barely peeking over the top of the cardboard rims.

His father brought him back to his attentions with a quick cough. Clearing his throat, he looked back at his wife before folding the newspaper and interlocking his fingers together.

“What your mother said about the promotion... It’s not completely true.” Pausing to take another long sip of his coffee, he set his cup back down and continued. “I think the real story starts far before you were born.”

Iwaizumi’s mother nodded, “Yes. I think it would be best if we started at the beginning.”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, unsure of what was coming. His heart began to beat quicker as his mother hesitated with her words.

“I’m not exactly sure how to put this without you looking down on me, Sweetie. I know that what I did wasn’t... The past is in the past. If nothing else, remember that. And remember that your father and I are doing all of this for you.”

“What are you talking about?” Iwaizumi’s mind was littered with questions.

_‘What is she talking about? What does she mean I’ll look down on her? This is all for me? Why?’_

“Like your father said, it started before you were born. You already know how much of a troublemaker I was when I was in high school.” His mother paused briefly, “Actually, troublemaker is an understatement. I was more of a delinquent. But things didn’t end after graduation.” Her eyes spoke with a hidden pain Iwaizumi had never seen.

  
She reached out across the table and scooped up Iwaizumi’s hands into her own.

“I was young, reckless, and stupid. I decided that I would join a gang.”

Iwaizumi’s breath hitched in his throat.

“I was one of the only girls in that gang, though at the same time this was happening, I was dating your father. We decided to get married despite my... _occupation_.”

Iwaizumi’s father pitched in, “I didn’t exactly approve of your mother’s gang activity, but at that point there wasn’t much I could do.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re still...?” Iwaizumi’s eyes flicked between his parents’ faces.

Iwaizumi’s mother shook her head, “No, I’m not. I decided to leave when I found out I was pregnant with you. Of course, that idea didn’t go down so well with the chief, and your father and I had to be smuggled out.”

“That’s right. Your mother and I were undercover. We moved to Miyagi Prefecture because it was small and quiet. We were able to lay low for the next eighteen years, but it seems like they’re after us again.”

Nodding, Iwaizumi’s mother gave a sad smile, “We have some... _connections_ that were able to relocate us and get us new jobs. I know this is a lot to take in, Hajime. Your father and I both love you very much. We’re doing this for you.” She gave Iwaizumi’s hands another firm squeeze before she finally pulled back.

“I’m sure it’s obvious,” Iwaizumi’s father started, “but this information is secret. You are not to go tell _anyone_ else what we’ve told you today, are we clear? Not even Tooru gets to know.”

Iwaizumi nodded, silently cursing in his head. How else was he going to explain things to Oikawa? Would he have to lie?

His mind took him back to that cool night in the gym, when Oikawa had been standing before him, body trembling. He had mustered up quite a bit of courage to tell him about his family, and now Iwaizumi couldn’t even do the same for _him._

Iwaizumi stood up from the table, his chair sliding back.

“I’m going to go unpack some of my stuff.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie! Iwaizumi's MOM did a thing! :0 Anyways! I hope you enjoyed this week's update and I'll see you next Wednesday~! (Or thursday if you live somewhere... else... LOL )


	26. Chapter 26

“Wow, I can’t believe it’s already been two weeks since the goodbye party! Fall is right around the corner, huh?” Matsukawa grabbed his water bottle before slamming his sports locker shut. 

“You’re right. Time flies.” Makki looked over his shoulder at Oikawa, who was tying the laces on his sneakers. “I’m going to need to buy a new scarf after practice. I heard there was a cold front coming in this week.” 

“Oikawa,” Matsukawa walked over to the captain, slapping a hand down on his shoulder, “How is Iwaizumi?”

“Who knows...” Shrugging, his words trailed off, leaving the room cloaked in an awkward silence until Kindaichi entered the clubroom. 

“Oikawa. You’re playing today? I-It’s good to have you back!” He stuttered, arms stiff at his side before quickly retreating to his locker. 

Dismissing the question from his teammate, Oikawa stood, grabbing the volleyball that sat abandoned in the corner of the room before walking out. 

Matsukawa and Makki looked between each other, a look of slight confusion meeting a look of bored amusement. 

The aura surrounding practice was just as uncomfortable as it was in the clubroom. Oikawa definitely was  _ not  _ happy. Occasionally, Kunimi would raise an eyebrow at Kindaichi, who would shrug and avert his gaze from the captain. 

Nobody had the courage to ask him what was wrong. 

_

 

“In all honesty,” Kyoutani huffed as he slammed the clubroom door shut, turning to look at Yahaba. The two were the last ones there, and Yahaba had been put in charge of locking up the clubroom after practice was over. “Iwaizumi not being here just puts our idiot captain in a shitty mood.” 

Yahaba rolled his eyes, “You’re one to talk. You’re always in a bad mood.” 

“I know that, but he doesn’t have to be a bitch for no reason.” 

“Like I said, you’re one to talk.” 

Kyoutani shut his mouth after that last remark, tensing up in the  _ slightest  _ bit when Yahaba gave him a side glare. 

“Kyoutani, this is a taste of your own medicine. Anyways, I heard from someone that he got into an argument with Iwaizumi, so that’s probably why he’s been upset lately. I’m glad he was able to finally play, though.” 

The taller boy said nothing as the two of them finally walked out of the school gates. 

 

-

 

“Tooru, I’ve got good news.” Oikawa’s mother walked out of the kitchen, two small bowls of rice in her hands. She set them down on the table— one on her side of the table and another on the opposite. 

Oikawa slid into his chair, eyeing the yummy looking meal sitting in front of him. His mother’s side mirrored his own, two identical meals hot and fresh spread out across the table.

“I know you’ve been pretty down since Hajime moved away... I decided to cook us a big  meal tonight. You must be starving after practice today, right?” She gave a sympathetic smile when her son didn’t answer. “Let’s eat.” 

Oikawa bit a piece of meat off of his chopsticks. “What’s the good news?” He spoke through his teeth as he took another bite.

Smiling, Oikawa’s mother took a small bite of her rice before continuing. “We’ll be visiting Fukuoka in a few weeks because of work. You’ll get to see Hajime!”

Oikawa’s stomach sank at the mention of that name. 

“Yeah.” He muttered, swallowing thickly before looking down at his food. 

“Hmm? I thought that you would seem more excited. Looks like practice took more out of you then I thought.” Thinking nothing of it, Oikawa’s mother returned back to her plate. 

_ Distance.  _

Oikawa knew he hadn’t bothered to text Iwa-chan anything, and he  _ knew  _ he was being petty. 

And yet, for some reason there was a piece of him that was being stubborn; that always changed the subject whenever his mom brought him up. 

Luckily for him, his mother hadn’t caught on to anything yet. But sooner or later, Oikawa knew she would eventually find out about the greed hiding in his heart. 

Oikawa finished his food and took his plates to the sink, declining his mother’s generous offer to stack on the leftovers. 

He went to his room before falling face-first on his bed, the closed blinds cloaking the room almost in darkness bar the few rays of sunlight that dimly illuminated his room. 

“Iwa-chan...” The name absent-mindedly fluttered past his lips. He thought about the episode at the theme park; how he’d yelled at Iwaizumi and ended up going home. 

Pulling the blanket up to his ears, he shivered as the temperature outside continued to drop.

And then, speak of the devil, Oikawa’s phone began to vibrate. 

-

 

Iwaizumi held the phone up to his ear, his heart pounding a mile a minute in his chest. 

He should be angry at Oikawa, shouldn’t he? After all, Oikawa  _ was  _ the one who overreacted and got angry at him. 

_ What if Oikawa was still angry?  _

The entire idea wasn’t impossible. There had, in fact, been a few distinct moments in their childhood where Oikawa had been furious... 

Even so, he would always be back to his usual self within a day or two. Never had one of their fights stretched out to two  _ weeks.  _

Sighing, Iwaizumi tried to shake those thoughts out of his head. 

They were irrational. There was no way Oikawa could ignore him  _ forever.  _

“Hey~!” 

“Oikaw—”

“I can’t get to the phone right now, but call again and I’ll try to get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks~!” 

Oikawa’s voicemail was warm and familiar, and Iwaizumi, despite the fact that he’d never admit it out loud, wanted to hear Oikawa say, “I love you.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's cold and rainy but at least it's not deathly hot outside anymore a m i r i g h t ?


	27. Chapter 27

Iwaizumi’s extended period of moving in and unpacking endless piles of boxes was short-lived. On Monday, he would start attending Fukuoka College Preparatory Academy.  _ That  _ was a mouthful to say, that was for sure. 

“We’ve already filled out all of your paperwork, sweetie. You’ll walk to school Monday morning and meet the student advisor out front. They’ll give you your uniform and take you to your class.” Iwaizumi’s mother spoke while she rapidly typed away on the computer keys in front of her. Iwaizumi could only imagine what she was doing. 

“Okay. Why a college preparatory school? It’s private, isn’t it? Where did we get the 

money for that?” Iwaizumi let his thumbs slide comfortably into his front pockets. “Was it the same organization that relocated us?” 

The word  _ “relocated”  _ seemed to strike an emotional nerve within his mother, but if her expressions dropped in the slightest, he made a point to ignore it. She nodded, which was a good enough explanation, though his mother decided to explain anyways. 

“The organization thought it would be...  _ safer  _ if we sent you to a private school. We’re not paying for it, they are.” 

_ Safer  _ was another word that was tossed around a lot these days. Iwaizumi almost couldn’t believe the craziness he was caught up in. Even now, he was still trying to absorb the colorful history of his parents, particularly his mother. 

It didn’t change how he saw his mother; she was still basked in the same loving light as before, however it was the consequences of her actions that really got to him. 

Endless questions continued to resurface, one after another. 

_ What does this mean for graduation? Do I have to go into hiding as an adult? What do these people want? Who is after us?  _

Though he knew many of these questions were of extreme importance, Iwaizumi never opened his mouth. He knew his mother was under a lot of stress, and though the future seemed unsure, he tried to push away his dread with the notion that everything would be okay. 

That’s what his father kept telling him, anyways. 

However, Iwaizumi couldn’t push away the undeniable feeling that something,  _ something  _ bad was going to happen soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is really short, but I promise you NEXT week's chapter is going to be super super long! So it will make up for the shortness of this chapter I'm sorry pls :^J


	28. Chapter 28

The train ride to Fukuoka was as uneventful and crowded as ever, so when Oikawa and his mom were finally able to slip into the comforts of Mr.Yamazato’s car, Oikawa couldn’t have been more relieved.

“How are you doing today, Yamazato? How’s the Fukuoka department?” Oikawa’s mother had taken the front passenger seat, Oikawa the back.

Mr.Yamazato hadn’t started the car yet. Instead, he seemed to peer out the tinted windows of his car with a sense of practiced caution.

“Good, good. Fukuoka is different, but I like the feel of it more than the Miyagi.” Mr.Yamazato cleared his throat, before looking over his shoulder at Oikawa. He seemed to scan Oikawa up and down before reaching out a hand to shake.

Oikawa tentatively shook it, his grip faltering compared to Yamazato’s iron grip.

“Nice to meet you, kid. I’ve heard a lot about you but now I’ve got facial recognition to back up the claims.”

Oikawa’s mother looked behind her as well, “Mr.Yamazato is a good friend of mine. We used to work in the same division up until a few months ago. We’ll be working together for a bit before we go back to Miyagi.”

Mr.Yamazato placed a hand on her shoulder, “Good to have you back after all of that drama that happened with...”

Oikawa’s mother nodded in understanding, “Yeah, it was a mess. Almost had to leave the division, too. Glad they decided to keep me after all.”

Yamazato gave a dry chuckle, “You’re too good for that.”

“Division? Fired?”

If Oikawa knew anything about his mother, it was that she _rarely_ talked about her work. So much so that Oikawa hardly even knew what she _did_ for a living.

It was as if he didn’t even ask the question. Both his mother and Mr.Yamazato turned forward, and their ride finally began.

“Mr.Yamazato and I are going to drop you off at Hajime’s house on the way to our meeting. You have the address, don’t you?”

Oikawa gave a curt nod before giving his mother the address.

“Oh, that’s not far from here at all.” Mr.Yamazato seemed to know the city like the back of his hand.

The drive, just like Mr.Yamazato had said, was indeed a very abrupt—just a few blocks down and through a couple of side streets.

A moderately sized two story house stood between two smaller homes, and if anything could be compared about his neighbors, it seemed as though Iwaizumi’s family took better care of their yard.

Oikawa could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and his stomach clenched; he wanted to hurl.

_If Karma exists in this world, I guess this is what it’s supposed to feel like..._

“Does he even know we’re coming?” Oikawa didn’t have to force himself to open the car door, his mother hopped out and did it for him.

“Oh, I’m sure it doesn’t matter.” Her chirpy tone was akin to the one she typically used when she was hiding something, and though Oikawa couldn’t tell what it was, it seemed as though she was almost _eager_ for him to hurry things up.

“Your mother and I have to return to work. We’ve got an important meeting.” Mr.Yamazato, once again, got straight to the point.

Pushing his legs forward, Oikawa climbed out of the car. His mother gave him a quick hug before resuming her position in the passenger seat.

_One foot in front of the other._

It shouldn’t have been that hard, really. But it was as if Oikawa’s feet were frozen in place; glued to the concrete sidewalk below him.

 

_“You’re strong, Tooru. You and Hajime both.”_

 

Out of nowhere, his mother’s words replayed in his head. With a newfound strength, he walked forward. Every step made his heart scream and he could already feel a slick layer of sweat coating his palms.

His breath hitched in his throat as he reached the doorstep. He wiped his palms on the fabric of his pants before giving the door an uncertain knock.

Glancing over his shoulder, he could see that his mother and Mr.Yamazato were still in the car. Were they waiting for him to go inside? If he squinted his eyes, he could see that they were going through a thick stack of paperwork; a laptop was also open on his mother’s lap.

Before he could peer further across the yard into the depths of the tinted windows, the door in front of him swung open and he spun back around.

“Tooru?” Iwaizumi’s mother stood in the doorway, a practiced look of innocent surprise etched across her face. “How have you been? What a nice surprise! I’m sure Hajime will be thrilled.” She moved out of the doorway so that Oikawa could walk into the house.

A few stray boxes sat here and there, most of them loitering in the corners. Other than that, the house looked pretty nice. There were even a few brand new pieces of furniture dotted around the living room.

Oikawa left his shoes at the doorway and followed Iwaizumi’s mother further into the house.

“Hajime is in his room if you want to go upstairs. Finding his room won’t be too hard I”m sure. Make yourself at home.”

Oikawa smiled politely, giving a small “Thank you” before turning to walk up the stairs. The ascend up the staircase was akin to a vigorous mountain climbing voyage. With every step, he could feel his legs burning and his heart pounding harder and harder in his chest. Anxiety crept up the back of his neck, and when he finally reached the second floor he almost wanted to turn around and leave entirely; tell Iwaizumi’s mother that he had somewhere to be. Brevity was the soul of wit, was it not? And Oikawa _knew_ he could play things off if he really wanted to.

Since when did he get to be so... afraid? His mind took him back to when Iwaizumi had fearlessly visited him in his hospital room. How much had he been hurting back then? The current situation wasn’t too different.

How much was Iwa-chan hurting _right now?_

It was this question that propelled his feet forward towards the first door on the right. There were only a couple of rooms on the second floor, and the sound of movement behind the door he’d chosen only confirmed his suspicions.

Hand hesitating on the doorknob, he wondered what he should say. Part of him considered taking a nonchalant route; spouting something along the lines of: _“Iwa-chan~! I missed you!~! I’m sure you missed me too, but you haven’t texted me! So mean, Iwa-chan~!”_ However, another part of him wanted to be honest; Iwaizumi would probably see right through him if he acted overly-chirpy anyways.

Shaking his head, he let himself take a deep breath. The truth would have to come out eventually, right? There was no way he could ignore Iwaizumi forever...

Slowly, he twisted the doorknob and stepped into the room.

“Iwa-chan—”

“Iwa-kun—”

In one instant, his words had resonated with someone else’s he didn’t know. Oikawa blinked in confusion at the scene that was slowly unfolding before him.

Iwaizumi sat at the edge of his bed, his feet tracing absent-minded circles on the polished wood floor.

A girl, her figure petite and fragile-looking, had her head resting on Iwaizumi’s lap. It was an understatement to say that this girl was pretty _._ She was _beautiful_. From what Oikawa could tell, her blonde hair fell in waves down to her shoulders, and though it was a bit hard to tell from the way she was laying, her eyes sparkled with some intimate emotion that would be hard to describe in words. If Oikawa had to guess, he would have said that she was part European, though it was only guesswork.  

She wore a soft smile, and though it could have been the lighting, Oikawa could see that a slight pink blush was dusted over her cheeks.

The unknown girl sat up, revealing that her eyes were a gorgeous mix of chocolate brown and hazel.

Her fingers absentmindedly wandered to the hem of her shoulderless, white blouse. Her hands found interest in fiddling with a loose string.

“Iwa-kun, who’s this?”

Even her voice was as sweet as honey. Gentle as...

_Iwa-kun. She called him Iwa-kun._

“Iwa...chan...” The name suddenly sounded vile on his tongue. “Iwa-chan~! You never told me how popular you were with the ladies~! I suppose it makes sense, without someone as amazing as _me_ being around.” He winked at the girl, who batted her lashes. “May I ask for your name?”

“Hmm? What about yours?” The girl stepped over to Oikawa, “I supposed it can’t be helped, then. My family name is Hatanaka. But I’ll let you call me Sarina.”

_Yep, definitely part foreign._

“Sarina.” Oikawa smirked, “It slips off the tongue quiet nicely. Now then, what is someone as pretty as you doing here with Iwa-chan, hmm?” As soon as Sarina looked down in embarrassment, Oikawa glanced over at Iwaizumi.

The poor boy was still sitting on the edge of his bed, though his expression was priceless. Oh, he was _so_ going to cough up an explanation for this later.

Sarina finally looked up into Oikawa’s eyes, her face turning an even darker shade of red than before.

“Well, I failed my last Chemistry exam, so I thought that Iwa-kun would be able to help me study...” Her voice trailed off in such a girly manner, it made Oikawa skeptical. “One thing led to another, and...”

Oikawa could feel his lips turning upward into a gentle smile. Reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Sarina’s ear, he leaned down towards her.

“Our faces are only inches apart, now.” Oikawa lowered his voice, “Can I whisper a secret into your ear?”

Sarina gave a silent nod as she tried to steady the rapid beating of her heart.

Oikawa leaned in closer, his lips nearly grazing Sarina’s ear. Sarina could feel his hot breath, and she involuntarily shivered.

“It’s a bit embarrassing for me to tell you this, Sari-chan, especially when we’re first meeting each other, but...” Oikawa paused for a bit before he continued. “Iwa-chan... is gay.”

“Huh?” Sarina pulled back immediately. “What do you mean...?” She glanced over her shoulder at Iwaizumi who, surprisingly, hadn’t spoken a word this entire time. “So I suppose it was true...” Her last words seemed to be directed towards no one in particular. Looking down at her feet, she tried to keep a fresh wave of tears from spilling out of her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s fine...” She whispered, her voice only loud enough for Oikawa to hear. She knew she couldn’t stay here any longer. Standing up straight, she took a quick breath. Only Oikawa could see her broken expression.

Shaking her head, she put on a cute smile.

“I should get going now. Bye bye, Iwa-kun! See you at school!” Skipping over to the desk, she plucked up a thin chemistry workbook before excusing herself from the room. She shut the door behind her as she left Iwaizumi’s room.

She knew Oikawa had seen through her act, but she’d seen through his as well. If that was really the boy that Iwaizumi was dating, maybe she wasn’t so different from him. Him...

Sarina blinked, realizing that she’d never caught his name.

_It’s fine..._

Deciding to forget about it, she went downstairs, thanked Iwaizumi’s mother, and grabbed her shoes before leaving the house.

“Huh?”

Parked in front of Iwaizumi’s house was a black car. Two people sat inside of it; One of them glanced up at her briefly before looking back down at the laptop opened in their lap.

“How creepy...”

 

-

 

As soon as Sarina shut the door behind her, Oikawa’s smile dropped.

“It was like watching two of you, but with opposite genders.” Iwaizumi _finally_ stood up from his spot, and walked over to Oikawa.

“Why did she call you Iwa-kun?” Oikawa crossed his arms over his chest, his original apology evaporated into thin air.

“Oh, Sarina. She’s a transfer student from some Scandinavian country. She has family in Japan though. She doesn’t know how to use honorifics correctly.” Iwaizumi seemed unfazed by the scene that had just taken place. “She has a nickname like that for everyone in our class.”

“Is she that affectionate with everyone in her class?”

“Yeah. She’s really touchy. What was the secret you told her?”

Oikawa’s mischievous smirk returned. “I told her you were gay.”

“Huh?!” Iwaizumi raised his fist, but lowered it again with a sign. “Anyways, I’m sure there’s something more _important_ we should talk about.”

Once again, Oikawa’s smirk dropped. He knew well what Iwaizumi was referring to.

“Now that she’s not here, we can talk.” Iwaizumi continued, “Do you know how angry I am at you?”

Usually, Iwaizumi’s anger never bothered Oikawa. However _this_ time, Oikawa couldn’t tell whether he was just scolding him, or if he was _so murderously furious that he was acting calm._ If anything, Oikawa was hoping that it wasn’t the latter. He could feel a pang of guilt stabbing his chest.

Oikawa imagined Iwaizumi staying up late at night, waiting for a text that he would never send. The thought hurt him immensely.

“Iwa-chan, I—“

“Should I even let you call me that anymore?”

A quick gasp left Oikawa’s lips. _Yep. Definitely the latter._ Had Iwaizumi _ever_ been this upset before? Oikawa couldn’t think of any instances.

Iwaizumi faced his back towards Oikawa.

“I don’t know about you, but ignoring your _boyfriend_ for two weeks because he had a family emergency seems pretty cruel, don’t you think? What were you thinking the entire time you ignored me? Did you know how upset I was? Did you know how betrayed I felt? I didn’t even know if you were _ever_ going to call me again!” As he ranted on and on, his voice became louder and louder until the point where he was shouting.

“Do you know how worried I was?! I thought that maybe, something might have even happened to you! And I wouldn’t know if something _did_ happen! You’re so petty! To think that you can just walk back in here like nothing is wrong, like _nothing_ happened! Yes, Oikawa. I’m angry. I’m _furious_ at you right now. I don’t even know if I should forgive you! And why should I?! Was is a mistake for me to return your feelings after all?! If you’re going to treat me like _this,_ then maybe—” Iwaizumi spun back around, but as soon as his eyes met Oikawa’s, his voice abruptly caught in his throat.

Oikawa had buried his face in his palms, and his shoulders were shaking considerably.

Iwaizumi’s glare softened.

“Maybe I took things too far. Come here...” When Oikawa didn’t move, he walked towards him instead. “Let me see...” Softly, he pulled Oikawa’s hands away from his face to reveal that the boy couldn’t stop crying. Tears overflowed endlessly out of Oikawa’s eyes, and his breathing has become jagged and heavy.

Wrapping an arm around Oikawa’s shoulder, Iwaizumi led him back to his bed. They

both sat on the edge, where Iwaizumi had been sitting earlier.

“Oikawa... No. _Tooru_. Look at me.” Reaching a few fingers underneath Oikawa’s chin, he lifted it slightly. “Tooru, I’m sorry. I took things too far.” Thumbing away Oikawa’s tears, he brought his face closer. “I’m glad you came to visit me, Tooru. I...” Iwaizumi could feel his face heating up. “I love you, Tooru.” For a moment, he paused, letting his eyes trail the hardwood floors. “But I don’t know if this can work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the long chapter you've all been waiting for~! I hope you all enjoyed the update, or hated it LOL. See you next week!


	29. Chapter 29

“Iwa-chan...?” Oikawa’s voice caught in his throat, and for the next few moments he had trouble articulating the rest of his words. “What... What do you mean?”

Iwaizumi sighed, and opened his mouth to answer, but before he could say anything a loud crash interrupted him. 

Both boys looked at each other, both pairs of eyes a mixed pallet of emotions. 

A minute didn’t even seem to pass before Iwaizumi’s door swung open. 

“Tooru. Hajime.” Oikawa’s mother rushed into the room with an unusual aura of urgency surrounding her. “You boys are coming with me. Don’t ask me any questions.” She didn’t seem to sense that something had happened between the two of them. 

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, looking over at Oikawa.

Oikawa’s mother repeated herself. 

“I said you’re coming with me.” 

At the second warning, the two boys tentatively followed her down the stairs, grabbed their shoes at the entryway, and left the house. 

Iwaizumi didn’t want to go along. Where were his parents? Where was Oikawa’s mother going to take them? It didn’t exactly help that the tension with Oikawa had spiked. 

Both boys were haphazardly shoved into the backseat; Oikawa’s mother taking the front passenger. Mr.Yamazato sat patiently behind the wheel. 

“Before you ask any questions, I’m aware there’s a lot we have to explain. We’ll give you the answers eventually. Just be patient. We’ll be at the hotel in twenty minutes.” Mr.Yamazato, like always, was straight to the point.

The car ride, just as it was expected to be, was long and awkward. 

A painfully quiet twenty minutes passed by slowly. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but feel relieved when they finally arrived. 

The hotel seemed to be one of the expensive variety, and Oikawa’s suspicions were confirmed as the group of four walked into the establishment. 

“Mr.Yamazato and I made sure to give you two a room that was separate from ours. It shouldn’t be too far down the hallway.” 

Oikawa nodded, and once again the three of them fell into an awkward silence as they waited for Mr.Yamazato to check them in. 

“Here are your keys. Meet us in room 517 in about an hour. Your room number is 707.” Oikawa and Iwaizumi nodded as Mr.Yamazato handed them each a room card. 

 

-

 

The room, upon entering, was softly illuminated by the sun’s rays. A gorgeous king sized bed was centered in the back of the room, and on either side was a mahogany nightstand, topped with expensive looking lamps. 

Iwaizumi peeked into the bathroom; it was  _ huge, _ with both a shower and a bath built in. The sinks looked like they were made of marble, if he had to guess, and as he peeked out to look at Oikawa, he could tell that his companion was just as awed at the room. 

“This is...” Oikawa trailed off, his eyes unable to remain in one place. 

“Nice.” Iwaizumi finished his sentence. It was a bit of an understatement, but the  compliment still held true.  Looking down at the ground, he waited for the inevitable conversation to begin. 

“Iwa-chan...” Oikawa sat down on the plush surface of the bed, absentmindedly running his hand through the soft fur of the blanket next to him. 

“About what I said earlier...” Iwaizumi paused briefly, “I just don’t think that long distance is really... And you’re so busy with other things too. You’ll have college to worry about soon enough, and you have volleyball.” 

“Well maybe I can come visit you a lot! I can come by train every week and... and even if you have volleyball practice I’m sure they won’t mind if I watch!” Oikawa tried to catch the look in Iwaizumi’s eyes, despite the fact that he was keeping his head down. If Oikawa was good at anything, it was reading people’s expressions. 

“Ah... That...” Iwaizumi’s voice dropped. “My new school doesn’t offer a volleyball team. Or any sports, really.” 

Oikawa’s jaw dropped. 

“I-Iwa-chan...” 

“I know. It sucks. I really do wish I could have stayed at Seijoh, but... It was impossible. And not being able to see you everyday... Oikawa, you live eight hours away from here  _ by train _ . There’s no way you could visit me every week.” 

“It doesn’t matter...” Oikawa’s voice rose barely above a mutter. 

“What did you say?” Iwaizumi looked up at Oikawa.  _ ‘Oh no... Please don’t start crying again...’  _

Oikawa frowned as he stood up from the edge of the bed. Trodding over to Iwaizumi, he roughly yanked his shirt collar down so that their faces were only inches apart. 

“I said it doesn’t matter!” Oikawa spun him around, shoving him back. 

Iwaizumi’s back hit the plush surface of the bed.

“Shittykawa, what are you—” Iwaizumi’s words were abruptly severed when a rough pair of lips smashed against his own. 

Oikawa eventually pulled back for air. “H-Hajime... Don’t leave me... Please...” His  _ please _ was more of a desperate plea than a simple request. 

Iwaizumi didn’t know what to do. He could feel the warmth of Oikawa’s breath on his face, his eyes threatening to spill with unshed tears.

Iwaizumi could feel his face reddening.  

“Don’t be stupid...” Oikawa’s words came out in a huff of air, and before Iwaizumi could say anything, Oikawa was pressing his lips back on his again, this time sliding his tongue past Iwaizumi’s lips. 

Iwaizumi’s body reacted on its own; he immediately melted into the kiss, moving along with Oikawa’s rhythm.  Instinctively, his hands traveled to the back of Oikawa’s hair— soft, cinnamon locks.  _ What type of shampoo did he use to get it this soft?  _

His attention snapped back to reality as a slender hand snaked up his shirt. Oikawa’s hands were so  _ warm... _ Iwaizumi leaned into his touches, his body suddenly craving the feeling of contact. 

_ Even after what I said, I... _

Iwaizumi found his actions contradictory to his thoughts. The way Oikawa’s fingers grazed over his chest was _intoxicating—_ There was _no_ way he could tell him to stop.

Oikawa softly sighed into the kiss, pressing his body closer to Iwa-chan’s. 

Iwaizumi leaned his head back, slightly breaking away from Oikawa’s lips. 

“You know what?” His words were soft, “I  _ was  _ being stupid, Trashykawa.” 

“So mean, Iwa-chan~” 

They’re exchange of words were more akin to a playful banter than anything else. In one 

swift movement, Iwaizumi rolled over, pinning Oikawa down to the bed. A mischievous smirk creeped onto his face as he stared down into Oikawa’s eyes. 

“So beautiful...” Iwaizumi’s face flushed as he realized the words that had slipped out of his mouth. “I-I mean...” His eyes darted to the side as he fumbled with his words. 

Oikawa could feel his heart pounding as Iwaizumi’s hands pinned his against the soft sheets. 

“Hajime? Tooru?” A sudden knock on the door ripped both boys away from their  _ moment. _ Iwaizumi immediately sprung off of Oikawa, his face still steaming as he went to go answer the door. 

Oikawa, on the other hand, laid where he was, still in shock from the events that had occured just moments before. 

Oikawa’s mother stood in the doorway. 

“Hajime, where’s Tooru? He’s back there, right?” 

Iwaizumi nodded, “Yes. He’s just waking up from a nap, that’s all.” 

“Uh huh...” Oikawa’s mother’s eyes twinkled with the slightest bit of skepticism, but within a second or so she merely brushed it off. “Anyways, the two of you need to come down to my room. You remember which one it was, right?”

Iwaizumi nodded once again, “Yes ma'am. We’ll be there in ten minutes.” 

“Alright. See you then, Hajime.” 

Iwaizumi closed the door lightly before walking back over to Oikawa. 

Oikawa was sitting up now, eyebrows furrowed in uncertainty. 

“Iwa-chan...” Oikawa stood up from the bed, reaching forward to grab Iwaizumi’s hands. 

Iwaizumi could already tell what he was going to say. 

“You’re nervous, right?” Iwaizumi took a deep breath, “I am too...” Squeezing Oikawa’s hands a bit tighter, he pressed his forehead against Oikawa’s. “After all, we’re going to figure out everything that’s been going on.” 

Oikawa gave a silent nod. 

Slightly retracting, Iwaizumi interlocked their fingers, turning towards the doorway. 

“Are you ready, Oikawa?” 

“Yes, Iwa-chan.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~! I hope everyone is having a nice holiday season! And if you don't celebrate anything, I hope you're having a good day! This chapter made me W E A K ! XDDD I'm not too good with writing steamy stuff but I hope I did good regardless LOL.


	30. Chapter 30

“Please, take a seat if you don’t mind.” Mr.Yamazato gestured towards two plush chairs that sat in front of a mahogany coffee table. On the other side was a comfortable looking couch. Iwaizumi and Oikawa sat on either of the chairs. 

Oikawa’s mother took up the couch; Beside her, stacks of papers and three laptops sat beside her, their screens all set to the highest brightness. 

Shifting a few stacks of paper to the side, Mr.Yamazato took a seat next to Oikawa’s mother. 

“This will take a bit of explaining.” Mr.Yamazato shuffled through the papers before pulling out two forms. “Each of you will need to sign one of these forms in order for us to have this conversation. All of the information is confidential, but signing this form assures that it will  _ remain  _ that way.” Handing each of the boys a ballpoint pen, he waited patiently for each of them to sign their names at the bottom of the page. 

“Alright, good.” Mr.Yamazato plucked the signed papers and carefully placed them into a labeled manila folder. “Ms.Oikawa, would you like to begin?” 

Oikawa’s mother nodded. “Yes, thank you.” Clearing her throat, she folded her hands over her lap. “Hajime, I’m unsure you’re aware of your current family circumstances. Am I wrong?” 

Iwaizumi felt a pang in his gut. “Yes ma’am, I’m aware.” 

Oikawa looked over at him in confusion, “Huh? Aware of what?” 

Mr.Yamazato shook his head slowly, “It’s always a great shame when circumstances like this occur. Iwaizumi Hajime, was it?” Looking between Iwaizumi and Oikawa, he plucked another manila folder from the couch and opened it. “Iwaizumi’s primary legal guardians were at one point members of a violent street gang. I’ll leave the name anonymous.”

“Yes, that’s true.” Iwaizumi’s voice dropped to a serious tone. “However, they’re no longer a part of that gang anymore.”

“We’re aware. However, it doesn’t excuse their crimes.” His voice was calming, almost monotonous. It was almost as if Mr.Yamazato was a therapist, and Iwaizumi was the patient. He looked over at Oikawa, “Your mother and I work together on a criminal task force. Do you know what that is? I’m sure you’ve seen crime shows on television.” 

Oikawa nodded apprehensively, trying to swallow the lump that was forming in the back of his throat. “Y-Yes.” 

“Your mother and I have been looking into this specific gang for a very long time. Especially now, since the gang is having a sudden spike of illegal activity.” Mr.Yamazato paused, perhaps to let all of the new information sink in. 

Finally, he turned back to Iwaizumi. 

“And, with any luck, your mother will tell us everything she knows about the gang, in which case she’ll receive a lighter sentence.” 

“Yes,” Oikawa’s mother chimed in, “There is no crime that you can run away from.” Looking down almost  _ sadly  _ at her lap, she continued. “Tooru, your father was in the same gang. I almost lost my job trying to protect him from the law. But there are some choices we can never escape.” 

Oikawa was dumbfounded. How could he not have known any of this? It makes sense that his father was in a gang, now that he thought about it, but he still felt ashamed that this was all new information to him. 

“Tooru,” Oikawa’s mother looked up. “You do know that I love you, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“And you do know that I think Hajime is a very nice boy, don’t you?” Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Oikawa’s mother searched Oikawa for any sign of skepticism. Seeing none, she continued. 

“Tooru, Hajime, you boys have been friends longer than I can remember.” She looked at Iwaizumi, “If I’m being perfectly honest, I wasn’t surprised when Tooru told me that you two started seeing each other.” She offered the boys a sad smile. “It breaks my heart to have to do this to you...” 

“What do you mean?” Oikawa could already feel his heart racing as he met his mother’s eyes. Looking over at Iwaizumi, he wondered if he was feeling the same thing. 

Mr.Yamazato coughed. 

“Relations, especially ones of romantic interest, are taken very cautiously within our line of work. The two of you continuing to have a relationship not only puts Ms.Oikawa at risk, but it puts the two of you at risk. You boys probably know what I’m getting at. Hajime, people from your mother’s gang are trying to track down your family. It doesn’t matter if she’s currently in the gang or not. Associating yourself with Tooru only puts him in danger.”

“What a mouthful...” Oikawa muttered under his breath. 

“Did you say something?” Mr.Yamazato looked at him quizzically.

“No, I didn’t.” 

“You boys are taking this surprisingly well.” 

Oikawa’s mother nodded, “That’s good. Anyways, that’s all we had to share with you  tonight. We’ll allow you to spend the night here before we leave tomorrow.” 

 

-

 

Shutting the door behind him, Iwaizumi followed Oikawa back into their hotel room. 

Neither of them said a word, as if their emotions were as transparent as a spilled glass of water. The moon shining through the window painted the walls with thick strokes of blue and black. No longer did the room feel luxurious, rather it evolved into something more akin to a cage. 

Oikawa’s head was dancing with rich memories that were now cloaked in a film of bittersweet honey. 

A clock ticked endlessly on the wall, a constant reminder that every passing minute was a minute lost. 

“Iwa-chan, what is hope?” 

Oikawa’s voice filled the thick void of silence, but the stuffy aftertaste was still thick and plastered in the air. 

“What kind of a question is that?” Iwaizumi sighed heavily, “This fucking sucks.” 

Oikawa didn’t respond immediately, instead twiddling with his thumbs for the next few moments as he focused his gaze on the light that was reflecting off of Iwaizumi’s chocolate eyes. 

“I think hope is like luck. People like to believe in it when they’re in a pinch, or when they’re life has gone downhill. But it’s not tangible.” Oikawa kept his voice unnaturally monotonous as he spoke, “Iwa-chan, do you believe in hope?” 

“I don’t know. Probably not.” Iwaizumi felt more or less indifferent about it, really. You couldn’t completely rely on luck or hope to achieve all of your dreams, could you?

There were no tears shed.

“Iwa-chan, what are we going to do?” 

Iwaizumi shook his head, “I don’t know. As much as I want this to work out, your mother...” His voice trailed off hesitantly, as he didn’t want to strike a sensitive nerve. 

“I know.” Oikawa hated to admit it, but at that very moment, he wished he could run away from his mother. Swallowing thickly, he tried to push down the lump that was swelling in the back of his throat. “I don’t want tonight to be our last.” 

“Let’s go outside.” Entangling his fingers together with Oikawa’s, Iwaizumi led him out to the balcony. 

“It’s cold, Iwa-chan.” 

“Look up.” 

Doing as he was told, Oikawa lifted his chin to the sky, where a dazzling sea of diamonds were spilled across their dark pallet. Down below, the city was alive and forever moving. Ribbons of headlights created blurred lines across the freeway, while a beautiful array of buildings illuminated the lives of everyone who lived in them. 

“No matter where you are, we’ll still see the same stars.” Iwaizumi freed his hand, leaning forward to rest his arms on the balcony ledge. 

“Iwa-chan... Do you still love me?”

“Come here.” 

Taking a hesitant step forward, Oikawa peered over the edge of the balcony, his hip brushing Iwaizumi’s as he moved closer. 

Without another word, Iwaizumi tilted Oikawa’s chin upward. 

Oikawa’s eyes, those _beautiful, brown_ _orbs_ that were usually filled with mischief and joy,  now held an emotion that Iwaizumi couldn’t comprehend. The different colors of the city lights reflected off of his eyes, giving them an unusual brightness in contrast to their usual color. 

Iwaizumi’s chest pounded, an overwhelming emotion taking control of his heart as he pressed his lips against Oikawa’s. 

_ This is what it feels like when you don’t know how to make someone understand the feelings you’re trying to convey.  _

Something wet landed on Oikawa’s nose, and it wasn’t until he pulled back that he realized that it had started snowing. 

Shivering, Oikawa suddenly craved the warmth of his partner’s lips. 

He leaned in for a second long kiss, and Iwaizumi didn’t stop him. 

Huffs of air no longer invisible, the two of them returned inside to seek shelter from the cold. 

“Let’s go to bed, Oikawa. I’m exhausted. We’ll sort everything out tomorrow.” Briefly grazing a hand down Oikawa’s arm, he walked over to the bed and pulled the comforter free of its restricted position. 

“Yeah... Tomorrow...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can't believe we're at chapter 30! I hope everyone is having a great start to their 2018 year!!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I decided to give you an early update as a present! Also thank you guys so much!! I never imagined that this story would reach 1k hits!! :0

Oikawa opened his eyes, unable to obtain any form of rest. Despite the countless amount of hours he laid there with his eyes closed, sleep just... didn’t come.

Beside him, Iwaizumi was sleeping peacefully. Compared to his typical rough expression, Iwaizumi’s face actually seemed peaceful.

_Was tonight going to be the night?_

Oikawa softly maneuvered his way out of bed, as to not wake up Iwaizumi— He wasn’t exactly a very heavy sleeper, and Oikawa knew he would be in for a scolding if Iwaizumi woke up.

Padding across the soft carpet, Oikawa stopped in front of an expensive-looking mahogany desk. On its surface were all of the typical things a hotel room would carry— A wired phone, a pitcher of cold water, cups, packets of tea, a notepad and pen, etc.

Oikawa uncertainly gripped the ballpoint pen, just barely letting the tip of it rest upon the surface of the notepad. There was just too much to say, so many complex emotions that he couldn’t express through words alone. He mindlessly let his pen flow for the next moment or so until his hand suddenly halted to a stop.

“Am I overthinking this?” He whispered aloud, peeking over his shoulder to ensure that Iwaizumi was still asleep. He sighed, deciding to take a brief break to pour himself a glass of water.

The glass cup was cold against his hands as he walked over to the sliding glass door that would lead out to the balcony. The snow piles had doubled in size since he’d gone outside with Iwa-chan earlier. _What would Iwa-chan think of this? He’d be disappointed. Angry._ Oikawa quickly brought the glass to his lips and gulped down the water, hoping that it would dissipate his thoughts.

_Now I’m cold... Iwa-chan will scold me if I get sick._

He glanced over at the bed. It taunted him with its warm blankets and comfy looking pillows, but he decided to walk back to the desk instead. He carefully set down his empty glass, and picked up his pen once more. Guilt clenched at his chest as he scribbled the words _“I love you.”_ at the bottom of the pad. _What was love, anyway? In this cruel, unforgiving world, could love even exist? Maybe it was a mere illusion, just as hope was._ He stared down at his final words, thoughts racing alongside the rapid beating of his heart.

_But... I do love Hajime, right?_

He pondered his feelings for the next few moments, trying to sort through the contradictory _knot_ that had somehow made its way into his thoughts. The answer wasn’t that hard to untangle.

 _Of course I love Hajime._ Oikawa was pleasantly satisfied with that answer. _Yes, no matter what..._ A soft smile played at his lips as he stepped towards the sliding glass door. _No matter what happens to me, and no matter what happens to Hajime..._ The door unlocked with a satisfying _click,_ and slid open with ease. _Through thick and thin, rain and shine..._ The cold bit at Oikawa’s feet as he walked barefoot through the packed piles of snow. _I will love him no matter what._ The balcony contained no ledge; no barriers. _Yes, love does exist in this cruel world, but..._ Oikawa had no trouble climbing onto the ledge, which had become slick with ice and snow. He reached out his arms as a cold breeze nipped at his exposed skin. An involuntary shiver ran down the back of his spine. _Without Iwa-chan being by my side..._ Letting his body dip forward, he let the air embrace him. _I just don’t see the point._

-

_A flurry of cherry blossoms suddenly surrounded me, as if I was in the eye of a sakura-pained tornado. I lifted a hand to my face to bat away some of the petals that were obscuring my vision._

_“Isn’t this great? Ah, Iwa-chan, look.”_

_My annoyance at the windy weather faded as I stared out ahead of me, at where he stood, smiling. His brown eyes sparkled as he caught one of the pedals mid-air. He was able to examine it closely for the next few seconds before the wind captured it once again._

_The trees rustled, scattering more pink petals along the dirt path._

_Maybe this weather wasn’t so terrible, I thought, looking over at Oikawa. He seemed to be having fun, at least._

_“Am I overthinking this?” Oikawa ran a hand through his hair, smiling through his edgy tone of voice. He looked up at the sun, which tinted the sky a vibrant shade of orange._

_“Overthinking what?” Raising an eyebrow, I stepped forward to grab Oikawa’s hands, but I couldn’t grab them. I tried again with no luck. It seemed as though Oikawa was transparent; my hands seemed to sink right through his._

_I looked up at him._

_“What’s happening, Shittykawa? Why can’t I touch you?”_

_Seemingly unable to answer my question, Oikawa offered a rare, pensive smile. I had no idea what that expression was supposed to mean, and to make matters worse I could feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest._

_I raised a hand to wipe the sweat off of my brows, though before I could, the ground opened up underneath us, and the beautiful scenery was smeared into nothingness. The sky morphed into black strokes of paint, while the trees melted into sticky clumps of tar._

_“Oi! Oikawa! What’s happening?”_

_He didn’t answer me._

_“Oikawa!” I reached out to grab him in this unfamiliar place, so dark and void of gravity, but I just couldn’t reach him._

Iwaizumi’s eyes shot open as a strangled gasp left his lips. A cold sweat was plastered against his forehead, and his hands shook as he stared up at the dark ceiling. A cold breeze blew against his skin, and he rolled over to see that Oikawa wasn’t lying next to him.

From across the room, the sliding glass door was left ajar, and from what Iwaizumi could tell, snow hadn’t gotten on the carpet yet.

_This was recent._

Sighing, Iwaizumi climbed out of bed, rubbing his arms in attempt to warm them as he walked over to the balcony. “Oi, Oikawa. Don’t just leave the door hanging open—” Peeking his head out into the cold, he was surprised to see that Oikawa wasn’t outside.

_Weird._

Iwaizumi’s eyes traveled from the end of the balcony to the small cluster of snow that sat on the coffee table over to the ledge. A track of footprints were clearly pressed into the snow leading up to the ledge, while sections of the ledge itself were smudged clean.

Iwaizumi felt a pit drop in his stomach as a pair of loud sirens wailed from the ground level. Once again, his hands started feeling clammy, and an upset feeling clenched at his chest.

_There’s no way._

Forcing his feet through the snow, Iwaizumi stumbled over to the ledge and stared over the edge.

At the bottom of the devastating height, two ambulances were parked with one police car stationed nearby. All three vehicles had their sirens on and swirling with a tangled mess of unsaturated red light. It was a bit hard to see through the snowy wind, but it appeared as though a cluster of people had gathered around the scene.

“I swear to God, Shittykawa! If you’re playing around, I’m going to—” Iwaizumi tripped over his own two feet as he bolted back inside. Jumping back up, Iwaizumi frantically scanned the room for his companion, but to no avail. The only sign of Oikawa he could find in the room was a notepad that lay dormant on the tabletop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O I K A W A ! ! Writing this chapter left me so shook! Here, everyone gets to have a free tissue! See you next week with more ANGST


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm here, as promised! Once again, I'd like to apologize for not updating on Wednesday due to my crazy schedule this week! I promise I'll try not to let this be an issue anymore XD 
> 
> This chapter isn't as revised as I'd liked it to be, so if I find a sentence that I want to edit, I'm gonna go in and do it through here.

A cluster of curious onlookers had already gathered around the scene. 

Iwaizumi pushed his way up to the front of the crowd, breath hitching in his throat as his worst nightmare resurfaced into reality. 

A gruesome scene was splashed before him. 

Oikawa was sprawled across the concrete, hands and feet reddened, arms and legs broken. The snow piled around him was painted a deep, crimson red. 

“Oi! Trashykawa! You’re joking, right?” Falling forward onto his knees, he ran a hand through Oikawa’s bangs.  A pair of half-lidded, colorless eyes stared back at him ominously. “You’re joking!” 

Oikawa’s lip twitched, but if he could hear Iwaizumi at all, he didn’t say a word. Perhaps he simply  _ couldn’t.  _

“Sir, please move back.” A pair of hands clapped down on Iwaizumi’s shoulders, trying to pull him back. 

“I said we would figure everything out! God, you didn’t have to—!!” Voice cracking, Iwaizumi pressed a hand over his mouth to suppress the sob that threatened to spill through his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut as the hands guided him further away from the scene, though it wasn’t until he opened his eyes again that he realized that the hands belonged to one of the doctors. 

“Are you okay, sir?” The doctor’s face was blurred and distorted, the snow under his feet nothing more than a sea of white. 

Shaking his head solemnly, Iwaizumi grabbed the hem of his shirt and vigorously tried to  hide any sort of implication that he was crying— With little success, but at the very least he could make out the face of the doctor who was talking to him. 

“I could tell you were close to the patient. I’ve seen this type of situation countless of times before. Come with me.” The doctor led Iwaizumi over to one of the ambulances. “We’ll let you ride with him to the hospital.” 

If _sterality_ had a scent, Iwaizumi guessed that this is what it would smell like. A strong scent of disinfectant, antiseptic, and overall _cleanliness_ loomed in the air, making it a bit hard for Iwaizumi to breathe. 

A plush sitting area sat across from where Oikawa laid on a stretcher, unconscious. It took Iwaizumi back to the last time they’d been in the hospital. 

Three other doctors piled into the ambulance, along with Oikawa’s mother. The tattered woman took a seat next to Iwaizumi before the ambulance sped off in the direction of the nearest hospital. 

Iwaizumi let his hands travel to Oikawa’s hand, interlocking their fingers together. 

_ So cold...  _

His moment of intimacy only lasted for a few more seconds before one of the doctors  interjected. 

“I’m sorry sir, but we’re going to need to see his hands. Minor frostbite.” The doctor’s words were quick and concise, and Iwaizumi let go without another word. Unsure of where else to put his hands, Iwaizumi folded them in his lap as he watched the doctors scramble. 

Occasionally, Oikawa’s mother would bury her face in her hands and rub her temples, before once again looking back up to check on the state of her son. 

A heart monitor was stationed in the corner of the ambulance, its rhythmic  _ beeping _ noise  almost driving Iwaizumi crazy.  

The ambulance arrived at the hospital within the next few minutes. Iwaizumi didn’t even have time to stand before the back doors of the ambulance swung open, revealing an entire team of doctors ready and waiting. 

With a practiced sense of urgency, the team whisked Oikawa away before either his mother  _ or _ Iwaizumi could say a single word. 

One doctor, however, remained. Her face was young and smooth—perhaps she was just an assistant, or a nurse. 

“We’ll have you sit in the waiting room for now. One of our main surgeons will speak with you as soon as he can.” She smiled through her words as she pointed towards the entrance. 

Two sliding doors gave way to a large waiting room, most of its chairs sitting empty bar a few elders and one or two small children. 

Just like the ambulance, the waiting room held a strong smell of antiseptic. 

Oikawa’s mother stepped forward towards the front desk, most likely to give the receptionist her information. 

Iwaizumi sat down in one of the free chairs, though it was nearly impossible for him to sit still. His head kept turning towards the door on the left. He knew that the doctors could come out at any moment, and that fact alone made him anxious.

He was impatient, yes, however he couldn’t deny the fear pounding in his chest. He  _ knew  _ that the doctors could definitely come out and say, _ “We did all we could, but...” _ and wear those regrettably mournful masks. However, he also wanted to know if Oikawa was okay or not. The unanswered question hung thickly in the air, and knowing that the answer wasn’t going to arrive anytime soon—especially judging by how quickly Oikawa was rolled into the emergency operation center—made him want to hurl. 

Glancing over at Oikawa’s mother, Iwaizumi didn’t have to ask to know that she had completely shattered. 

She stared at the ground, her eyes locked on the tile in front of her shoes. Dried strokes of tears were left untouched across her cheeks, and her eyes were red and puffy. 

Occasionally, she would mutter a thing or two to herself, though Iwaizumi had no Earthly idea what it could be. He opened and closed his mouth, unsure of whether or not he should say something.  _ What could he say?  _

_ I hope Oikawa is okay,  _ or something like,  _ I’m sure he’ll be fine... _

Shaking his head, Iwaizumi decided against it. He had no right, after all. There was no way he would be able to understand the experience of almost losing a child—especially for the  _ second  _ time. 

Just a bit too quickly, a doctor clad in a long, white coat barged through the door. His appearance gave the impression that he’d been running for who knows how long, though he quickly shrugged it off and maintained his composure within the next two seconds. 

He cleared his throat. 

“Ahem... Ms.Oikawa?” He spoke with a deep, aged voice. There was no way that this doctor could be a day over 50, though the way he gently gripped his clipboard and slowly adjusted his wire-rimmed glasses seemed to prove differently. 

Initial thoughts of the doctor aside, Iwaizumi followed Oikawa’s mother past the left door, and down a few maze-like hallways before stopping in front of a room with a peculiar black door. Compared to the rest of the bleached, white hallway, it was almost as if that door would lead into another dimension. 

“Please, take a seat.” Closing the door behind him and flicking on a dim set of lights, the doctor carefully examined his two guests as they tentatively sat on the black leather couch sitting by the window. “We have a lot to discuss.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the true angst. The rest of the chapters were just a test to see if you could last this long XD Stay tuned for next week!


	33. Chapter 33

The doctor wasted no time getting to the juicy details of Oikawa’s condition. Adjusting his glasses, he quickly scanned the clipboard before looking back up at Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s mother. 

“Since Oikawa was unconscious, it took a bit longer than usual to collect his vitals. We went ahead and gave him two separate CT scans; One for his head, and another for the rest of his body. First, we found signs of brain trauma.” Flipping through his clipboard, he unclipped two images and slid them across the table. “The picture on the left shows the typical brain structure of someone Oikawa’s age.” 

The doctor pointed to the image on the right, “This image, however, is Oikawa’s brain. His cerebellum, which is located here,” the doctor pointed at the lower back chunk of the brain, “is swollen significantly. The cerebellum is the part of the brain that controls muscle coordination and function. It is very likely that Oikawa will be diagnosed with Ataxia.” 

Plucking another paper from the clipboard, the doctor placed the new image on top of the brain x-rays. 

“This is an x-ray of Oikawa’s vertebrae. As you can see, this spinal segment right here, the C5 sector, is damaged.” The doctor pointed a bony finger at one of the segments located towards the upper part of his vertebrae, “Unfortunately, there is no way to reverse the damage caused by a C5 injury. It is one of the most severe types of vertebral injury, and most of the repercussions caused by a C5 injury are paralysis-based. In many cases, C5 injuries don’t cause complete paralysis, but with the combined effect of having a swollen cerebellum, there’s no telling how bad it could be.” 

The doctor cleared his throat, “We’ve decided that the best thing to do from here is to proceed with a ventriculostomy. It’s a procedure which drains excess cerebral fluid in order to reduce brain swelling. We’ve also given him a ventilator to help regulate the flow of oxygen.”

Both Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s mother were stunned into silence. Neither of them knew  what to say, or had anything to say for that matter, so the doctor continued. 

“As soon as Oikawa is conscious, we’ll immediately be able to test for paralysis, and confirm the Ataxia diagnosis. Hopefully, he’ll regain consciousness within the next few hours. I’m very sorry that this is happening you you folks.” 

 

-

 

Just as the doctor had predicted, Oikawa regained slight consciousness two hours later.

Iwaizumi was once again called into the  _ Infamous Black Room  _ for another meeting with the same, bony-fingered doctor. 

This time, his composure seemed a bit more shaky. He held a clipboard, though this one was different; a bright yellow compared to the dark brown one he’d had earlier. 

“How is he?” Iwaizumi mustered up the words as he took a seat next to Oikawa’s mother  on the same leather couch. This time, he could feel his body sinking in to the material. His hands were clammy; Sitting in that waiting room for two hours definitely was not the most  _ fun  _ experience he’d had, nor did it do anything to relieve his anxiety. 

_ What’s important is that Oikawa is alive. He is... right? The doctor did say that he regained consciousness, right? Right? _

With a sudden pang of doubt clenching his stomach, Iwaizumi closed his eyes as he  prepared himself for the worst.  

“As we predicted, things took a rather... A turn for the worse, one could say.” The doctor paused for the next few moments, as if he didn’t know how to craft his next words. “From what we currently know, Oikawa has been diagnosed with Quadriplegia. This means that Oikawa is unable to move his arms, legs, or torso.” 

_ Volleyball.  _

Iwaizumi felt a sharp rock sink to the bottom of his stomach. Paralysis? There was no way... 

“Is there any way for him to recover? He plays sports.” Oikawa’s mother’s voice was surprisingly kept together. Iwaizumi knew it was just a facade, though. 

“I’m sorry,” The doctor shook his head, “It’s always a tragedy when things like this happen, however with extensive physical and emotional therapy, there may be a small chance of  _ walking.  _ I wouldn’t consider putting sports in the picture for a  _ very  _ long time, if at all. Oikawa may have to accept the fact that he’ll never be able to play again.”

Iwaizumi clenched his fists, “What did Oikawa have to say about this? I’m sure he wouldn’t be in the  _ slightest  _ bit okay after hearing that!”

“Ah yes, that’s another matter.” The doctor cleared his throat, looking down at his notepad, “Another scan showed us extensive nerve damage in Oikawa’s throat area. Vocal paralysis comes in a variety of forms, with varying levels of severity, but from the looks of it, Oikawa may never be able to speak coherently again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Oikawa <3 As a complimentary gift for you surviving up to this point, have a free tissue. *free tissue* 
> 
> See you next week with more A N G S T


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay with posting this chapter! I took a school trip to Washington DC and ended up not having any time to write! 
> 
> I'm thinking about doing updates every OTHER Wednesday from now on, seeing as how my school life is becoming a lot more busy (I require an extra week per chapter)
> 
> Sorry about the inconvenience, but I want to make sure that the chapters I'm putting out are actually GOOD!

“Yes, he’s in here.” Sliding open the door to Oikawa’s hospital room, Iwaizumi let Matsukawa and Makki enter before him. 

The three of them surrounded Oikawa’s hospital bed; Makki and Mattsun on the far side of the bed, while Iwaizumi took the side closest to the door. 

“Wow, it’s like you live here now.” Makki noted, to which Mattsun agreed. 

The room looked much more lively than it did a few weeks ago. Iwaizumi had taken the time to replace the bedside flowers every time they wilted, and to be with Oikawa as much as he could. 

One would think that it’d be boring, considering that Oikawa couldn’t move or speak. However Iwaizumi didn’t think that at all. Rather, he was more thankful that Oikawa was even  _ alive.  _

Iwaizumi looked over at Makki and Mattsun. He’d told them about what happened to Oikawa-- Not necessarily as to  _ why,  _ but he told them that Oikawa had jumped. Since that night, Iwaizumi kept Oikawa’s suicide note tucked safely into his pocket. At one point, he’d considered bringing it out, but... He didn’t want to do that to Oikawa. 

Makki and Mattsun were originally taken back by the news, despite their usual exteriors. They just couldn’t believe that someone as strong and stubborn as Oikawa would do such a thing. 

Which is probably one of the reasons why they took the train down to Fukuoka to see him in the first place. Later that week, Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi would come down from Tokyo to bring their condolences. Surprisingly, none of Oikawa’s fangirls had stopped by since the accident. 

-

It was agonizing at first, not being able to move, let alone speak. He was trapped in his own mind, unable to escape the dark thoughts penetrating his brain. Though most of the physical pain had somewhat subsided, (other than the slight pang in his chest every time he took a breath) his heart contained so many unspoken feelings; so many feelings kept inevitably secret.

Iwaizumi had always done a good job of reading him ever since they were little. Oikawa was still amazed at how he could do it, even with his  _ impairment.  _ It was just one of those amazing things about Iwaizumi that made Oikawa love him even more. 

And yet, as Iwaizumi gave him a soft peck on the cheek, (much to Mattsun and Makki’s approval), Oikawa felt a familiar feeling of guilt settle in the pit of his stomach.

He wanted to reciprocate Iwaizumi’s love, though as much as he willed his fingers to move, or his body to work, it simply didn’t happen. 

Iwaizumi was surprisingly a lot more talkative, these days. Every time he visited, he would give Oikawa the same, pensive eyes. 

_ Were they disappointed? Pitying? Could it even be possible that Iwaizumi was slowly getting bored of him?  _

It was a very rare emotion for Oikawa to embrace-- The feeling of desperately wanting to apologize. He knew that he destroyed  _ everything _ as soon as he’d hit the ground. 

_ Nothing will ever be the same again.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, I'll be switching my schedule to every OTHER Wednesday, meaning that you should expect the next chapter to be here on 28th~! Thank you so much for putting up with these antics of mine XD
> 
> Also I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	35. Chapter 35

Grabbing the TV remote off of the bedside table, Iwaizumi brought the old, square television to life. He flicked to the sports channel before setting the remote back down. 

“I bet you’ve been wanting to watch some volleyball, huh?” Iwaizumi kept his eyes on the screen for the next few moments, knowing well enough by now that he wasn’t going to receive an answer. 

Oikawa had always prided himself on the fact that he could flawlessly interpret body language and analyzing people’s movements. Iwaizumi’s specialty, however, was reading Oikawa’s thoughts. 

Iwaizumi looked back. The way Oikawa’s eyes sparkled could only mean that there was envy dancing in his heart. How could it not? Volleyball was Oikawa’s  _ passion,  _ the very thing he put his entire soul into, the very thing he  _ dumped girls  _ over, the very thing that consumed his  _ entire life.  _

Life was cruel, the way it ripped people’s futures away from them. Iwaizumi, however, was determined to give Oikawa the best life that he could-- given his current condition. 

Today was no different, except that it was a Saturday, and Saturdays meant that Iwaizumi didn’t have school. 

Falling back into the bedside chair, Iwaizumi let the sound of the television drown out the silence between them.

Iwaizumi reached over and grabbed Oikawa’s hand, making their fingers interlock. He opened his mouth, perhaps to talk about his morning, or maybe to murmur sweet nothings amongst the droning sounds of televised sports. 

Oikawa, however, would never know, because as soon as Iwaizumi opened his mouth, a doctor clad in a large, white coat stomped into the room with an aura of confidence and boastfulness radiated off of him. 

Iwaizumi squeezed his hand just a  _ tad  _ bit tighter as the larger man approached them. 

“Excuse me, Mr.Iwaizumi. I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the room while I take his vitals.” Gesturing over at Oikawa, he waited patiently for Iwaizumi to step out of the room. 

Giving Oikawa’s hand one final squeeze, Iwaizumi did as he was told. Most of the doctors who worked with Oikawa knew the two of them well. If the hospital were a restaurant, Iwaizumi would be a regular customer. And he didn’t want to break that trust. 

A small sigh left Iwaizumi’s lips as he set out into the hallway, quietly sliding the door  closed behind him. 

The sterile-scented hallways always brought his mind back the other, smaller hospital in Miyagi prefecture. Give or take, Iwaizumi had accepted the fact that those memories were a part of him, and he wouldn’t trade them for anything else in the world. 

It was a bit strange, actually, the shift of how a sad memory can suddenly blossom into something bittersweet; in the midst of panic, not knowing whether you’d even get to  _ make  _ another memory. 

“Mr.Iwaizumi,” The doctor pulled Iwaizumi out of his thoughts, and it wasn’t until Iwaizumi had sat back in the bedside chair that the doctor forcefully cleared his throat. “We have a bit to discuss this time.” 

Iwaizumi could feel his heart begin to pound, though on the outside he tried to maintain his composure-- At least for Oikawa’s sake. 

“Alright then, let’s begin.” The doctor’s confident composure didn’t break as he scanned the clipboard in his hand. “It’s becoming harder to remove the excess fluid from Oikawa’s lungs. We’re doing everything we can, but even with the current oxygen therapy, the air won’t be able to reach his lungs if they’re flooded.” The doctor gave the boys a look of sympathy, the same one that was apparently practiced by the entire Japanese medical field. “Pulmonary Edema is a very tough condition to live with. But, with proper treatment, we can make the best of it. We haven’t made a proper diagnoses as of yet, however the excess fluid in the lungs and shortness of breath are both pointing towards it.” 

Iwaizumi swallowed thickly.

_ His condition is getting worse.  _

Without a hand of mercy, the doctor continued. 

“Most patients with this severe level of internal damage don’t usually live long. I’d expect Mr.Oikawa’s time to come within the next few months.” 

Iwaizumi’s breath hitched in his throat. “What does that mean? Are you saying that Oikawa only has a few months left to live?” His voice cracked halfway through his sentence, but he could care less at this point. 

The doctor nodded, “Precisely. You should have expected no less, Mr.Iwaizumi. Mr.Oikawa’s body has suffered extensive trauma. HIs lungs are on life support.” Clearing his throat, the doctor scanned his eyes over his clipboard one last time before giving a curt nod and promptly leaving the room, leaving two broken souls to mend on their own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the update! I'm trying to write as much as I can, however life is a thing XD Hope you don't mind. Anyways, have some free tissues.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Has it been a month already? Time flies! Sorry for the super late update! I had a huge school project that lasted the span of several weeks, so I didn't get much writing time! Also I made this chapter a bit longer as well~ Hope you enjoy!

Iwaizumi shivered as he stepped out into the brisk, cold evening. In the distance, the setting sun cloaked itself behind a tall cluster of glass buildings. He looked back at the hospital one last time before walking forward towards the direction train station. Home wasn’t too far away; maybe fifteen minutes on the fastest metro line. 

“You were visiting Tooru again, aren’t you?” 

Iwaizumi froze in his tracks at the sound of a voice that was dripped in honey and left to dry on the pavement. Taking a step forward towards the figure cloaked in shadows, he stiffened his shoulders and walked past her. 

“I was just about to visit him myself.” The woman continued, making Iwaizumi once again stop. “After all, what kind of mother would I be if I just crumbled?” Her voice held a desperate twinge to it, and as she said the word  _ crumbled,  _ her voice cracked  _ just  _ a bit. 

Iwaizumi noticed, though he didn’t say anything. 

“Every time we pass each other, you insist on ignoring me, Hajime.” 

Finally, Iwaizumi had the nerve to spin around. Planting his feet firmly on the concrete of the sidewalk, he cocked his head to the side. 

“You pushed him over the edge, you know.” Iwaizumi knew his words were harsh, and  he also knew they shot an invisible arrow right through Oikawa’s mother’s chest. “I’m the one who’s always been there for him. How do you think he felt, knowing that you were going to take that away from him?” 

Oikawa’s mother was stunned into silence for the next few moments. For the first time in weeks, Hajime had finally spoken to her. And  _ this  _ is how he was going to treat her? 

Straightening her posture, Oikawa’s mother returned Iwaizumi’s anger-filled glare with a  tempered gaze of her own. 

“I didn’t push him off of that ledge. Perhaps it was  _ you _ who had pushed him after the inability to notice something was wrong with him. You can read his feelings  _ my ass.  _ Perhaps if you’d actually been there for him, we wouldn’t be here.” Oikawa’s mother was slightly shocked at her own level of pettiness, and she knew she had already stepped over the boundary line of being civil. She knew in the back of her mind that she wouldn’t gain anything from continuing, but that didn’t stop her mouth from opening a second time. 

“If anyone should be blamed for what happened, it should be you and your family of criminals.” Oikawa’s mother spoke in a flat tone, “Oikawa will learn to live without you. You shouldn’t come here tomorrow.” 

The two parted ways without a single word spoken, Iwaizumi’s chest pumping with unshed anger and Oikawa’s mother shedding her feigned confidence. Neither had to know about the true feelings bubbling within one another. 

 

-

 

Giving the door a slight knock with the back of his fist, Iwaizumi was soon greeted by his father. 

Taking a close look at the man, it wasn’t hard to tell that he’d lost a few years already. Compared to his usual, proud demeanor, he was doubled over, and a soft, sympathetic smile was plastered on his face. Without Iwaizumi’s mother around at the house, his father had probably grown lonely. 

Iwaizumi somewhat sympathized with him. Neither of them could tell for certain when they would ever see her again. 

“How was he today?” Iwaizumi’s father shut the door behind him, not bothering to straighten up Iwaizumi’s shoes as he haphazardly flung them off of his feet. 

Rather than giving an answer, Iwaizumi shrugged and made a beeline up the staircase and went into his bedroom. 

Iwaizumi collapsed onto his bed as he fingered the small sheet of paper that was folded in his pocket. At first, he’d found it a bit weird that he was carrying around his boyfriend’s suicide note in his pocket, but he eventually shook off the feeling and ignored it altogether. 

If he was being completely honest, he hadn’t even confronted Oikawa about what had happened that night, for whatever reason. Iwaizumi knew he had been avoiding it; pushing it into the deepest, darkest depths of his mind. But wasn’t it about time he at least brought it up? 

_ ‘There are so many unanswered questions... Not that Oikawa would even be able to answer them... But...’ _

Sighing, Iwaizumi pulled the note out of his pocket, scanning over the same words he’d reread a million times. 

_ ‘I can’t keep avoiding this... I need to confront him. Since when did I start getting so soft?’ _

Glancing over at his bedroom window, Iwaizumi could already see the first few rays of moonlight creeping through his blinds. 

_ It’s not too late...  _

Carefully slipping the small paper back into his pocket, Iwaizumi lifted himself from his sleeping chambers and treaded back downstairs to grab his shoes. 

“Dad, I’m going out again.” 

“Stay safe.” 

-

 

Though waiting times at the hospital had technically ended, the woman who was sitting at the front desk knew Iwaizumi quite well— Or recognized him, anyway. She didn’t offer any sort of trouble as Iwaizumi gave her a polite wave, heading towards the elevators. 

In his chest, Iwaizumi’s heart was pounding a mile a minute. This topic made him uncomfortable. There weren’t many topics that had the same effect on him, however this one was  _ definitely  _ not going to proceed well. 

Stepping out onto floor fifteen, Iwaizumi took a swift right towards room 1517. 

‘ _ I hope Oikawa’s mother already left by now...’  _ Iwaizumi didn’t even want to  _ begin  _ imagining what would happen if she were. 

Swallowing his fear, he opened the door and stepped inside.  __ Luckily for him, it seemed as though she had already left. Sighing a small breath of relief, Iwaizumi quietly slid the door closed behind him and stepped over to Oikawa’s hospital bed. 

“Oi, you awake—” Iwaizumi’s words caught in his throat, his eyes widening as he stared at Oikawa. 

A steady stream of tears were seeping out of his eyes, which were glossy and red. His breaths were staggered, and guessing from his overall  _ broken  _ composure, Iwaizumi’s hypothesis was that his mother spoke some pretty harsh words. 

_ Words that I’ll never get to know.  _

“Tooru.” Iwaizumi kept his voice gentle as he sat down on the side of the bed rather than the chair. 

Questions about  _ that night  _ were still fresh in his mind, but was now the time to talk to him about it? He knew he would probably not get any definite answers, at least nothing that wasn’t written in Oikawa’s note. 

Iwaizumi knew his chances of making it up to Oikawa’s hospital room successfully would probably start to stagger if Oikawa’s mother felt the need to take action out of spite. 

_ I might not get another chance to talk to him privately like this...  _

Iwaizumi was fully aware of the various nurses and doctors that came and went for various reasons, whether it be to feed Oikawa, bathe him, or take vitals. Finding a long period of  _ alone time  _ was something that rarely happened during Iwaizumi’s visits. 

With these two thoughts in mind, Iwaizumi decided that it was time. 

“Tooru... I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. About the night you decided to jump.” Iwaizumi shivered as the words left his lips. He knew he was striking a sensitive nerve within  _ both  _ of them, but even so Iwaizumi didn’t want to put it off any longer. “I read what you wrote on the note. Sometimes I look back at it and wonder why you were thinking those things. Thinking that it wasn’t going to be okay.” 

Reaching over, Iwaizumi gently thumbed away the fresh wave of tears pricking at Oikawa’s eyes. 

“You’re really stupid sometimes, you know?” Iwaizumi’s voice dropped to a whisper as he leaned in to give Oikawa a quick kiss on the lips. “Give me a moment.” Sliding off his shoes and tucking them neatly underneath the bed, Iwaizumi tossed his jacket on the chair and laid down next to Oikawa. 

Compared to the last time the two of them had cuddled in a hospital bed, Iwaizumi preferred the latter. This bed was a lot bigger than the previous one. (He assumed it was because Oikawa practically lived there) 

Iwaizumi slid his arms around Oikawa’s waist after pulling the blankets over the two of them. Despite the cold temperature of the hospital room, Oikawa’s body was surprisingly warm. 

“Ha...ha...ji...me...” 

Iwaizumi’s head shot up to look at Oikawa, barely believing what he was hearing. 

“Tooru...” Raising a hand, Iwaizumi cupped Oikawa’s cheek. He could feel a small smile pulling at his lips. Tears of his own were threatening to spill, though he didn’t try to stop them. “You don’t have to force yourself to speak, but... I really missed the sound of your voice.” Embarrassed by his own words, Iwaizumi buried his face in Oikawa’s chest, knowing fully well that Oikawa wouldn’t be able to tease him for it. 

“You don’t have to force yourself to speak...” Iwaizumi’s voice cracked, his heart so overwhelmingly delighted about the miracle that had just occurred before him. Though brief, it was a miracle nonetheless. 

_ Maybe he’ll get better... _

Smiling softly at the reassuring thought, Iwaizumi entangled his other hand into Oikawa’s soft, brown locks, petting his hair until the tears stopped, and eventually Oikawa fell asleep. 

Being careful not to wake his partner, Iwaizumi slowly rose from the bed and was about to grab his shoes, when he noticed a stray sheet of paper sitting on the far dresser. Iwaizumi shuffled quietly across the floor, leaving his shoes abandoned by the bed. 

The note seemed to be handwritten, and from what Iwaizumi could assume, it was probably left there by a doctor on accident. 

Iwaizumi wasn’t exactly the nosy type, however he felt an overwhelming urge to read what was written on the paper. 

_ This is about Oikawa’s condition.  _ Iwaizumi thought, unable to control his temptation another second.  _ I need to know if he’s getting better.  _

Folding the paper neatly, he tucked it safely into his pocket— right next to Oikawa’s note. 

_ I’ll take a look at it when I get home.  _

Iwaizumi grabbed his shoes and quickly slipped them on before making a beeline for the exit. Though he was a regular visitor, he didn’t want to risk getting in trouble with any of the _less_ _familiar_ night staff. 

Stepping outside into the brisk night air, Iwaizumi shivered, cursing at himself for leaving his jacket back in the hospital room. He sighed a breath of relief. 

_ At least, if I can’t go back for whatever reason, he’ll have a piece of me there.  _

The thought was bittersweet and intrusive, and though it saddened Iwaizumi to think  about, he knew he would have to be more crafty when he visited Oikawa from now on.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I'm sorry for the late update! I'll try to update the next chapter as soon as I can :)


	37. Chapter 37

Though the temperature of his room was akin to that of a furnace, Iwaizumi could still feel a cold chill run down the back of his neck as he fingered the unopened piece of paper he’d stolen. It was almost as if he was too scared to read its contents for fear of the truths it might hold. 

_ ‘I need to look at it. It could very well ease my anxiousness. It could say that Tooru is going to be okay. It could relieve me of all the fear pounding in my chest.’  _ Iwaizumi tried to calm the panic gripping his mind. He knew that the complete opposite could also be true. 

Slowly pulling the crisp, folded paper from his pocket, he hesitated once again to open it. The chill spread across his entire body, leaving his stomach churning with uncertainty. He wanted to hurl, as if he had already predicted the words he was going to read. 

He forced his hands to unfold the neat folds, each opened crevice giving making him more uneasy until he finally reached the content. 

The note itself seemed short. Three scratchy handwritten paragraphs, concluded with a large signature at the bottom of the page. 

Taking one final deep breath, Iwaizumi finally focused his eyes on the letter that would either be his savior or his aggressor; he knew that the words could either heal his wounded heart, or rip it right out of his chest. 

Most of the note contained undecryptable medical code—  _ Of course it would, it was meant only for the doctor's’ eyes, right?  _ Iwaizumi thought as his eyes continued to scan the foreign language for anything he could comprehend. 

“There’s no way this entire letter is written in medical language. There has to be something...” As Iwaizumi’s eyes reached the end of the third paragraph, they froze on the last sentence. 

 

_ Predicted day of death: 12/26/xx _

 

The room was swirling as the paper slipped from Iwaizumi’s hands. It was worse than he’d originally feared, worse than the most gruesome scenario he’d imagined prior to reading the note. Or maybe, it was the only scenario his mind had refused to consider. 

Once again he was shoved into that sakura painted nightmare, where Oikawa was too far to reach, too far to save. His mind conjured the infinite possibilities of his future  _ alone _ , his mind forcing them to painfully infest every section of his brain. 

_ Oikawa is going to die. I’m going to be alone. I’m going to be without Oikawa. Oikawa is going to be gone forever. He’s going to die. There’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing that can be done.  _ As Iwaizumi’s thoughts raced alongside the rapid beating of his heart, the rational part of his brain tried to take control;  _ tried  _ to calm down and analyze the situation. 

Iwaizumi reached over to grab the tall glass of water that was sitting on his bedside table, desperately trying to control the violent shaking in his hands. Water continuously spilled over the edge of the glass, Iwaizumi being unable to stop the tremors until the cup finally slipped from his grasp altogether and shattered on the wood floor. 

“Hajime? What was that sound?” 

Iwaizumi blocked out the noise of footsteps running up the stairs and instead slipped his cell phone out of his pocket. 

“Today’s date...” Clicking on the homescreen, Iwaizumi stared down at the day’s date like a shinigami over its victim. “It’s the twentieth. Oh god...” A sudden wave of nausea released itself through Iwaizumi’s body, and within seconds it made its way to the floor like a cascading waterfall. 

“Hajime...” Iwaizumi’s father stepped into the room, “Hajime, calm down...” Stepping over the mess of glass and vomit sprayed across the floor, Iwaizumi’s father sat down next to Iwaizumi and gripped his shoulders. “Hajime. Look at me.” He could see his son trying to meet his eyes, but inevitably he ended up hurling a second time. 

With shaky breaths, Iwaizumi reached over where his father was sitting for the doctor’s letter, as if reading it a second time would make the words change to something more positive, something that would deny his worst fear in the entire world. 

“What is that?” Taking the note from Iwaizumi’s hands, Iwaizumi’s father scanned over the note. Iwaizumi’s eyes pried into his father’s expression, watching his eyes intently. 

_ He can’t do anything about it.  _ Iwaizumi’s thoughts were swirling as his hands suddenly went numb. 

Slowly, Iwaizumi’s father folded the letter and set it down on Iwaizumi’s bedside table. 

“Hajime.” 

Breath hitching in his throat, Iwaizumi tried to compress the short, quick breaths that were rising up in his chest— with little success. At this point, there was no point trying to stop the massive stream of tears that were overflowing out of Iwaizumi’s eyes. 

“I-I’m... Scared.” The vulnerable utterance of words slipped through his lips, and in that moment Iwaizumi felt as though the entire world was collapsing in on itself; this was how it felt to hit  _ rock bottom.  _ “I-I can’t...”

“You can’t what?” Trying to stay considerate to his son’s feelings, Iwaizumi’s father remained calm. “What can’t you do?” 

Iwaizumi shook his head as another wave of tears rolled down his cheeks. 

“Come here.” Iwaizumi’s father pulled Iwaizumi into a strong embrace, “Calm down, Hajime. This isn’t healthy. You need to trust that the doctors are doing everything they can.” Pulling away from the hug, Iwaizumi’s father noticed that his son’s breathing had slowed considerably, “I’m going to be blunt with you though, Hajime. Don’t lock yourself up. I’m sure Tooru would want to spend his final week with you.”

 

-

 

“Yes. About a week.” Iwaizumi held his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he pulled on his second shoe. “I’m going to visit him right now. Yes. Please, if you could this week. Uh huh. Yeah. Bye Makki.” Iwaizumi sighed as he slipped his phone into his pocket. 

The sun was shining high in the sky, a complete contrast to the dark pit that had dug its way into Iwaizumi’s chest. 

_ It’s the twenty first. _ Iwaizumi painfully reminded himself of the date as he stepped out of the house. A fresh blanket of snow had fallen the night before, leaving every step crunchy as Iwaizumi made his way towards the hospital.

_I won’t let these last five days go to waste._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, sorry for the late update! I know it's been a long time since chapter 36 but try to bear with me and my busy schedule! 
> 
> Also I hope you have a wonderful day filled with angst and feels :)


	38. Chapter 38

_4 Days Left; December 22nd, 20xx_

 

When Iwaizumi walked into Oikawa’s hospital room on Monday morning, he could definitely tell that the energy within the room had changed.

 _He knows._ Iwaizumi let the thought weigh heavily in his mind. He couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel, knowing you only have four days left to live. Knowing that it was technically your own, foolish mistakes that led up to this point. Knowing that the person you love would be left behind.

At the beginning of our lives, we’re always confronted with our _firsts._ Our first steps, our first words, the list was endless. But what about our lasts? It wasn’t unnatural to say that Oikawa hadn’t thought about the last time he’d ever eat milk bread, or play volleyball. He probably hadn’t been thinking that the last time he had given Iwaizumi a kiss... well... that it would be his last.

Life could be compared to nothing more than a simple game. You gain players, you lose players, but there were so many dangers and threats in the world that death became natural. Everybody knew that they were going to die at some point. The only true questions were _when_ and _how._

Many people feared death. Did Oikawa fear death? It would be hard not to.

No matter how much Iwaizumi tried to give him comfort, there was no way he would be able to eradicate something like that.

“I bought you milk bread.” Iwaizumi held up a small plastic bag. “I’ll feed it to you.” Sitting down on the edge of Oikawa’s bed, he slid his shoes off and tucked them neatly underneath before opening the plastic wrapper.

Tearing off a small piece of the bread, he pushed a small piece past Oikawa’s lips. Though Oikawa was paralyzed, he could still move his jaw in small motions, and luckily it was enough to chew up softer foods without much trouble.

“It’s been a long time since you’ve had milk bread, yeah?” Iwaizumi tried to conceal the broken part of him that had let loose the night before.

 _‘Can Oikawa tell that I know when he’s going to die? Or did somebody tell him? Maybe he doesn’t know anything...’_ Iwaizumi left the thought at that, and decided to focus on Oikawa enjoying the milk bread instead.

Feeding him another piece, he could tell by the sparkle in his eyes that Oikawa was happy. Who wouldn’t be? Everyone loved eating their favorite foods, especially when they were sad. It was human nature, after all.

“It’s a bit cold in here isn’t it?” Iwaizumi noted the freezing temperature within the room. “It’s probably because it snowed last night.” Quickly glancing around the room, he noticed his jacket was folded neatly next to the television.

He smiled at Oikawa, “Give me a second.” Setting the milk bread down on the bedside table, he retrieved his jacket and returned to the bed. “Here we go.” Leaning Oikawa forward slightly from where he was propped up against several pillows, Iwaizumi draped his jacket over Oikawa’s shoulders, pulling it around him.

“I bet that’s warmer. Geez, when did you get to be so light?” He smiled at the content look in Oikawa’s eyes, though on the inside, he couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of sadness.

 _‘He’s lost a lot of weight... He really is going to die soon, isn’t he?’_ Iwaizumi would never admit it, but perhaps he had convinced himself after his _episode_ that a miracle would occur. That somehow, Oikawa would pull through if he just believed! Countless times, he had caught himself thinking irrational things like that, but that wasn’t how life worked, was it?

Miracles can only happen to a select few.

Iwaizumi thought back to the infamous night in the hotel room. He had told Oikawa that luck, hope, miracles— He thought none of them existed. But when he witnessed Oikawa speak for the first time since the accident, he knew that some type of miracle _had_ to exist.

_They were just extremely rare._

Maybe someone could only get one miracle per lifetime. Iwaizumi thought back to the time they had lost their chance to go to nationals after losing against Karasuno.

 _‘Maybe that was Karasuno’s miracle... And ours is...’_ Iwaizumi couldn’t help but give a bittersweet smile. Thinking about the past used to be natural, and for the most part he wouldn’t give it much reflection. Now, however, each memory that resurfaced was a reminder of what would never be again.

_Never again would he play volleyball with Oikawa._

_Never again would they walk home from school together._

_Never again would they stay up late, texting._

_Never again would Oikawa tease him for something dumb._

_Never again would they be able to watch the stars together._

Unless...

“Hey, Oikawa.” An idea prodded in Iwaizumi’s mind. Perhaps it was a bit crazy. Iwaizumi was usually never the one to be “crazy” or to “take risks,” but... “I need you to stay alive, at least until the 25th, okay? I’ll sneak you out on Christmas evening, and we can watch the stars together. Just like we used to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAS IT REALLY BEEN OVER A MONTH SINCE THE LAST UPDATE??? GAH I'M REALLY SORRY!! I had some writer's block and senior year has been really crazy busy for me since my graduation is right around the corner! However! ALL I needed to get me back on track was a day off of school and some angsty Fairy Tail music!!!
> 
> Enjoy the latest chapter of hope~! See you next time with more crippling angst and suffering! :D


	39. Chapter 39

_ 3 Days Left; December 23rd, 20xx _

 

“Is that Iwa-kun?” An excruciatingly familiar voice stopped Iwaizumi in his tracks as the automatic glass doors of the hospital slid open before him. He turned to see the beautiful bouncing curls of Sarina. 

“Probably.” Iwaizumi shoved his hands into his pockets, turning away from the glass doors to face her as she skipped over to him. It was a miracle that she didn’t fall flat on her face, considering her feet were adorned with a pair of beige heels. 

“What are you doing today, Iwa-kun?” Adjusting the fabric on her lavender-tinted romper, she gazed up at him inquisitively. “You should come with me to the park!”

Iwaizumi glanced over his shoulder at the glass hospital doors, as if they were calling to him. 

Sarina looped her arm around Iwaizumi’s, pulling him towards the direction of the nearest playground, “C’mon, Iwa-kun! It’ll be fun, I promise!” 

Before Iwaizumi could refuse, he was dragged away. 

_ ‘Why is it so hard to say no to her? This happens every time I see her.’  _ Iwaizumi glanced down at her shoes.  _ ‘Why does she even want to go to the park in heels anyways?’  _

The answer to the thoughts broiling in his head were left unrequited as Iwaizumi tentatively followed Sarina to the park, which was more of a rundown playground held together by its bare wooden foundation and probably the weeds and vines that had weaved through each plank of wood. 

_ ‘Okay, it’s about eleven in the morning right now, so hopefully I can finish things up with Sarina within the hour and still manage to make it back to Oikawa before noon, one at the latest.’  _

Sliding off her heels, Sarina tossed them aside before trekking through the overgrown grass and snow over to the playground structure. 

“Iwa-kun, this way!” Sarina shivered tas her bare feet met the cold service of the rock wall, though she managed to climb the entire thing without a complaint. She slithered into the small yellow tunnel that connected the two sides of the playground. 

“Aren’t you cold?” Iwaizumi followed after her, easily scaling the small rock wall. He didn’t join her inside the tunnel, rather he sat on the unstable wooden landing that sat between the rock wall and the tunnel. 

Sarina shook her head, her breath appearing before her as she gave a small giggle. 

“I don’t have a lot of feeling in my hands and feet due to a medical condition. The cold doesn’t really bother me all that much.” She smiled widely, lifting her arms. “And my romper is long sleeved.” 

Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head. Even if her hands and feet didn’t have much feeling, she should still wear something to protect them. Or at least that was what Iwaizumi was thinking, but he kept his mouth shut. It was none of his business, after all. 

“Iwa-kun, you look worried.” Sarina observed his face closer, peeking her head out of the tunnel just a bit to study the concerned expression planted on Iwaizumi’s face. “Does it bother you  _ that  _ much that I’m not wearing gloves and boots?” She chuckled, crawling closer to him. “Let’s go back to my house so I can grab them. Sorry for making you worry.” 

_ ‘That’s not why I was worried.’  _ Iwaizumi reluctantly held his tongue. It would be rude to tell her something like that, right? If it were Oikawa, he wouldn’t have held back, but... Sarina was the sensitive type. 

Hopping down onto a small pile of snow below, Sarina smiled up at Iwaizumi, who jumped down from the top of the rock wall. 

“Iwa-kun, I haven’t seen you at school lately. Our homeroom teacher is worried about you. I was surprised when I saw you walking about today, I thought for sure you had come down with a cold!” 

Iwaizumi shook his head, “Oh... Some things came up...” He muttered vaguely. He didn’t know Sarina that well. He didn’t want to start spilling out his most private information to someone he barely knew. That wasn’t like him at all. 

“C’mon Iwa-kun, don’t skip class! I expect to see you at school after Christmas! Don’t skip out just because  _ public _ schools have the entire week off.” She pouted, obviously displeased with Iwaizumi’s absence from the classroom. 

Before Iwaizumi could even respond, Sarina was already changing the subject again, “My house is this way!” Plucking her heels off of the ground, she slid them back on her feet comfortably before pulling Iwaizumi’s towards the sidewalk. 

Iwaizumi looked over his shoulder. The hospital was in the opposite direction from where they were walking, but maybe he would be able to make it before sundown after Sarina was done with him. 

The walk wasn’t terribly long, but it was by no means a short distance from the abandoned playground. 

“Ah, the snow is starting to fall harder!” Sarina quickened her pace, pulling Iwaizumi a bit harder.

“H-Hey!” Iwaizumi stumbled, nearly falling forward due to the fact that Sarina was short, and being pulled forward was the equivalent to being pulled  _ down.  _

Sarina aside, though, the clouds were pouring down snowflakes as far as the eye could see. The snow at their feet quickly piled to their ankles by the time the two of them reached Sarina’s house. 

“Let’s hurry inside.” Brushing off some snow that had collected on the doormat, she retrieved a key from underneath and used it to unlock her front door. 

“I’m home! I also brought someone with me!” As soon as Iwaizumi walked into the house, Sarina slammed the door shut. “Ah, some snow still managed to get in. Oh well.” 

An older woman met the two of them at the entryway. 

“Welcome home, Sarina. Who’s this?” 

“Ah, mom. This is Iwa-kun. Iwaizumi Hajime.” Sarina smiled at Iwaizumi, her cheeks dusting a light pink. 

“Nice to meet you, Hajime.” Sarina’s mother reached out a hand for Iwaizumi to shake. The woman was almost a spitting image of her daughter-- Or it was the other way around. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but notice the resemblance. They both had long, blonde hair, and although Sarina’s mother had deep green eyes, their shape was almost the same. 

_ ‘That must mean her father is Japanese. That would explain her family name.’  _ Iwaizumi thought mindlessly. 

“Please, sit down Hajime. I’ll make you both some tea so that you can warm up.” Sarina’s mom smiled before heading towards the kitchen. 

“Here, Iwa-kun.” Sarina led him to the living room, where they both took a seat on the couch. The cushions were softer than his own couch back at home, and they were a lot more comfortable. 

Sarina grabbed the tv remote off of the coffee table. 

“Let’s see what the weather has to say about all of the snow.” 

 

_ “Yes, Koichi, and it looks like the snow is going to keep piling on throughout the night. It is recommended that all of our viewers stay indoors for at least the next 48 hours to stay safe. The snowfall is expected to be lighter by within the next couple of days, but who knew a mini blizzard could suddenly appear out of nowhere, right Haruto?”  _

_ Flick.  _

Serena switched off the tv as her mother walked in with three cups of warm tea.

She set the platter of tea on the coffee table before taking a seat next to Sarina. 

“It looks like we’re snowed in, huh?” She looked over at Iwaizumi sympathetically, “You can stay with us until the snow clears up, if you’d like. I’d hate for you to be out in this crazy weather. You’d freeze to death before you’d make it home.” Grabbing one of the cups from the platter, she put it up to her lips and took a long sip. 

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Iwaizumi knew he was no match for the snowstorm outside. The sun was already about to set, according to the time on Iwaizumi’s cell phone. The only thing visible from the window was the infinite amount of cascading snowflakes, along with a pure white backdrop. Not even the sun was shining through. 

Sending his father a quick text message about his scenario, he sighed softly. 

_ ‘Why is this happening now, of all times? I have to make it back to Oikawa. He’s probably wondering where I’ve been all day. I have to take my chances and try to see him tomorrow!’  _ Iwaizumi thought. 

Reaching forward, Iwaizumi lifted his cup a bit too quickly, the hot liquid splashing over the ends of the cup and landing directly on his hand. 

“Shit!” Hand contracting, the cup slipped from his grasp and shattered on the floor by his feet. 

“Ah! My mother’s tea set!” Sarina’s mom covered her mouth, eyes peering at the mess Iwaizumi had made.   
Sarina hopped up from the couch, “I’ll grab the broom!” 

“No, no, I’m going to try and fix it.” Getting down on her hands and knees, Sarina’s mother began plucking the glass fragments off of the floor and into her palm. 

“I’m really sorry.” Iwaizumi awkwardly apologized. What a way to make a first impression, right? “I picked up the cup too fast and it slipped.” For the most part, Iwaizumi didn’t make many slip ups. Which is exactly why when he  _ did  _ slip up, he was never able to apologize as smoothly as he would have liked. 

-

 

Sarina sat down on the edge of her bed. “Are you cold, Iwa-kun? You can borrow a pair of my dad’s pajamas.” 

Iwaizumi nodded. There was no helping his situation. He’d have to spend the night. Luckily, Sarina’s mom was nice enough to accept Iwaizumi’s half-assed apology. So hopefully things wouldn’t be awkward from here on out, especially since he was pretty much trapped in Sarina’s house. 

Sarina left the room and returned with a pair of faded gray pajamas. 

“Here, I’ll step out so you can change.” Pushing the pajamas into Iwaizumi’s arms, she promptly left the room. 

The pajamas weren’t the comfiest or the softest, but they would have to do. They weren’t exactly Iwaizumi’s style, either. But of course he wasn’t going to complain. He was lucky the size fit him almost perfectly. 

“Thanks for the pajamas.” Iwaizumi thanked once Sarina had come back in. “I appreciate it.” 

“Oh, it’s no problem.” Sarina grabbed a thick scrunchie off of her bedside table and pulled up her hair into a loose bun. “We don’t have a guest room, so it looks like you’ll have to sleep with me.” She blinked, almost immediately realizing her choice of words. “Oh! I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant! Um! That we would sleep  _ next  _ to each other! Y-Yeah! I know you’re... Um... Anyways!” Sarina usually wasn’t the type to get nervous, however Iwaizumi didn’t put any particular thought to it. 

He was tired, anyways. 

  
Sarina’s bed wasn’t that big. Fitting two people on it would probably test its limits, however it was probably better than sleeping on the floor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm still going strong! I'm trying to get college info figured out so I don't have a lot of time to write, however I still definitely plan to see this through to the end! I promise!
> 
> Also, on another note, SUFFER WITH MORE ANGST! And I'll see you next time!


	40. Chapter 40

_2 Days Left; December 24th, 20xx_

  


The days that Iwaizumi didn’t come in to visit were few, and each one left Oikawa shrouded in a cloud of mystery.

_What was he up to? Was he having fun?_

Usually, Iwaizumi would let him know the days he wasn’t going to be able to visit. It was nice of him, though there was still no notice as to why he hadn’t visited the day before.

A snow storm began raging outside his window the night before, but it definitely couldn’t have been the reason why Iwaizumi hadn’t come in. It hadn’t been snowing like that all day.

Seeing the snowflakes dart down like bullets reminded him of the blizzard that kept everyone from going to school a few years ago.

He’d been a first year, attending Aoba Johsai High School...

 

_“Iwa-chan! Look! It’s snowing!”_

_“It snows every December, dumbass.”_

_“I know, but school was canceled this time!”_

_“You do know what that means, right? They’ll hold us back an extra day when summer break starts. Either way, we go to school the same amount of days.”_

_“Hmph, Iwa-chan! Just enjoy the snow!” Oikawa shoved his best friend into a large pile of snow, laughing triumphantly as Iwaizumi’s hair had been covered with the white frost._

_“Why you little!!” Iwaizumi hurled a snowball at the unexpecting Oikawa, hitting him right between the eyes. He sunk back into the snow as an endless flurry of snowflakes pecked at his face._

_“How mean, Iwa-chan! I thought we had something special!”_

_“Whatever, trashykawa. You pushed me first.”_

_And thus began the last time the two of them would ever have a snowball fight. Iwaizumi, of course, had been the winner, but Oikawa had sworn to take revenge on him one day._

 

_But it never happened._

 

Many people love asking trivial questions. Aoba-Johsai-First-Year Oikawa was one of those people. Usually, not a day would go by when Iwaizumi would roll his eyes at some pointless inquiry that Oikawa proposed.

_“Iwa-chan, if you were stranded on a desert island and could only bring five things with you, what would you bring? Oh, wait! I meant four, since you would obviously take me, right?” He winked._

_“In your dreams shittykawa. Why would I be stuck on a desert island anyways? That’s dumb.” Stretching his arms over his head, Iwaizumi looked up at the orange and yellow mirage that was painted across the entire sky. “But I guess if I had to choose, I would take water, food, a box of matches, maybe a book, my volleyball...”_

_“So mean, Iwa-chan! So you really wouldn’t take me!” Oikawa pouted, crocodile tears pooling in the dark brown caverns of his eyes._

_“Idiot! You’re a person, not a thing!”_

 

_-_

 

_“Iwa-chan, what would you do if you could never play volleyball again? Like if your arms were zapped off by a UFO?”_

_This time, the two of them had been walking to school. Regardless of the time of day, Oikawa always had the day’s question in mind as early as the night before._

_Iwaizumi mocked a look of surprise, “Wow, Oikawa,” He raised his eyebrows, “I think that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever managed to ask me. Way to go.” He clapped his hands, a small laugh slipping through his lips as Oikawa went through his usual “I’m so hurt, Iwa-chan!” routine._

_Iwaizumi always answered his questions, though._

_“If an alien somehow took away my arms, it would probably mean that I was a threat. And knowing that, I would be content.”_

_“Gasp, Iwa-chan! Even if you couldn’t play volleyball anymore?”_

_“Well, there’s still soccer I guess. The only thing that matters is that the aliens would probably come after you next.”_

_“Ah!” Oikawa immediately scanned the cloudless sky, hoping that the UFO’s would fly down and abduct him. “Iwa-chan, you’re right! The aliens must adore me because I’m out of this world_ — _OUCH!” As he was smacked with Iwaizumi’s school bag, Oikawa was reminded of the exact reason why he should never make bad puns around Iwa-chan._

_-_

 

“Christmas is coming soon, isn’t it? I’m sure you’re excited.” The nurse that was scheduled for Wednesday’s shift rolled into the room with the usual necessities, “My fiance asked me out to dinner earlier, so I’m looking forward to it. The snowstorm is freezing the roads, though. We’re just gonna have to tough it out on the sidewalks!”

Oikawa could care less about this woman’s love life. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes and instead focused his gaze on the snow falling outside his window. Moving his head was a tedious task, considering his skull felt about twenty times its regular weight, but it wasn’t impossible.

He tried to move his head only when it was necessary, and now was one of those times.

 _‘If only I was deaf, too.’_ Oikawa’s grim thought lasted for half a second at most, but it was still there. Where was all of this rage coming from? He didn’t quite know himself. Was it because of Iwa-chan’s absence?

Oikawa tried not to think about Iwaizumi when the boy wasn’t present, as it would only lead him down the road to heartache, but overall he couldn’t really help it. Regardless of the dull aching in his chest that appeared at the thought of his significant other, every breath he took filled his lungs with pain. Thoughts always came and went as they pleased. Completely out of his control.

Oikawa resisted the urge to cringe as the nurse unbuttoned his hospital gown, warm rag in hand. He hated Wednesdays. While he did enjoy the prospect of being clean, he didn’t like that it had to be someone _else_ to wash him.

Usually, if Iwa-chan was there, he would do it instead. But he wasn’t.   
“You look disappointed.” The nurse simply observed his face as she washed him— It was standard procedure, after all. She had to make sure he wasn’t hurting him. “I suppose you aren’t that excited for the holidays?”

 _‘Why would I be excited?’_ Thought Oikawa, before he remembered Iwaizumi’s promise. His cheeks felt warm as he thought about Iwaizumi sneaking into his room and taking him out to see the millions of diamonds that would be lighting the night sky. He couldn’t wait.

 

-

 

Iwaizumi didn’t have any other choice but to stay indoors, or at least that’s what he kept repeating to himself as the minutes ticked by. The snowfall from the night before had been especially heavy in Sarina’s side of town, blocking the doors of everyone in the neighborhood.

Those who commuted somehow managed to push through the sea of snow and make it to their jobs, but Sarina’s family seemed to be an exception. They didn’t fight the snow, and as much as Iwaizumi was tempted to clear it out himself, he definitely did not want to look rude.

“Looks like it will be snowing all day today too,” Sarina walked into the living room with two warm drinks, one in either hand as she sat down on the couch and passed one to Iwaizumi, “The weather says it will probably stop by tonight, though.”

Iwaizumi accepted the hot glass of tea and took a prolonged sip. Sarina’s house, despite having all top-grade heaters, was still freezing cold. Sarina appeared to like the cold, however, and pranced around in only an oversized white t shirt.

He wished she would at least wear some pajamas, but according to Sarina it was too ‘hot’ for them. Besides, she was the type of person to wear heels in the snow. He knew it was a battle he was destined to lose.

“Sarina, please put some pants on.” Her mother scolded as she walked by, giving Iwaizumi a look of sympathy. “Please.” Apparently Iwaizumi and Sarina’s mother were thinking the same thing, but there was nothing they could do.

“Turn down the heaters and I’ll think about it.” Pouted Sarina, and she folded her shirt over her knees. “It’s super hot in here. Don’t you think, Iwa-kun?” she looked over at him for help, but he merely shook his head.

“It’s freezing outside. You’re supposed to have the heaters on.”

“So mean, Iwa-kun!” she giggled, nonetheless.

_So mean, Iwa-chan!_

 

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but think back to the countless times where Oikawa had said those exact words. His heart began to pound as he thought about his chocolate-haired boyfriend.

 _‘What am I even doing?’_ He tried to drown his thoughts by bringing the tea up to his lips, but he quickly pulled it back as it burned his tongue. He cursed and quickly set the drink on the table before it could slip out of his hands and create a repeat of what happened last time.  

“Iwa-kun, are you okay?” Sarina set her cup down on one of the coasters that were dotted around the coffee table and leaned towards Iwaizumi. “Let me see.” She pulled Iwaizumi’s hands away from his face and held them in her own, holding them above his head.

Iwaizumi didn’t move away from her advances as she drew her face closer towards him.

“It was your tongue, right?” Sarina’s voice lowered to a whisper, a great contrast from the fun, ecstatic voice she usually carried with her. She tried to crawl closer to Iwaizumi, but because she wasn’t using her hands, she lost her balance and fell forward, her body pressing up against his chest.

Iwaizumi’s hands slipped out of her grasp, and in an attempt to regain her balance she pressed her hands on either side of Iwaizumi’s head, which now rested on the left arm of the couch.

Sarina’s face grew red as she realized their proximity, but she didn’t move. Neither of them moved, as if they were frozen in time.

“Sarina, I—”

The world fell back into motion as she pressed her lips against Iwaizumi’s, her tongue running itself against his bottom lip as she tried to get inside of his mouth.

When Iwaizumi didn’t respond to her advances, she pulled herself away.

“Iwa-kun—”

“Don’t call me that. Get off of me.” Iwaizumi’s force might have been on the harsh side when he pushed Sarina off of him, but he didn’t care. This is where he drew the line. She knew he was dating Oikawa, so why did she do that?! Iwaizumi’s thoughts were boiling.

 _‘Is it because of Oikawa’s condition? Is it because she thought I had already moved on? Did she know we would get stranded here? Is that why she invited me over?’_ Iwaizumi nearly knocked over the glasses as his foot got caught on one of the legs of the coffee table as he hobbled over to the door.

“I’m leaving.” Grabbing his coat from the coathanger that sat idle by the front door, he shoved his arms through the sleeves and pulled on his shoes.

“Iwa-ku—Iwaizumi, please wait! Let me explain myself!” Sarina pleaded as she tried to run after him, but Iwaizumi didn’t listen. He pulled open the door to see a small wall of snow that had been pressed up against the wooden surface. He forced himself to wade through it, uncaring that it made his coat wet. He slammed the door shut behind him as he left.

_‘Oikawa... I’m so sorry.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back! I'm sorry it took a while for this chapter to be written! I had part of it written for a while but I never had time to finish it because I'm a freshman in college now! (Time passes by so quickly, I was a junior in high school when I first started writing this story back in 2017!!) 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy the latest chapter, and I'll see you again as soon as I can~!


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